Are you an undiscovered writer searching for ways to improve your work and get some recognition? Apply to have your story reviewed here and expect honest feedback, brutal critiques, and to return with a story that can't ever be forgotten.
Cover by...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
BLURB:
This story follows Ashlynn, a middle child with a need to fit in. She loves theatre, but she wants her parents to notice her, so she tries to be more like her sisters. She tries hard to fit in and loses friends along the way. Will Ashlyn be able to get her friends back and get what she wants? Or will her life spiral downward like it normally does?
***
YOUR COVER: (6/10) I like the idea you went with the story cover. However, I don't believe that it fully represents your entire story. Is there a more creative way to represent your story with a cover? What about photo filters, text placement, and title sizing/style? You can also go to a cover designer on Wattpad if you feel that your story cover needs an upgrade.
YOUR TITLE: (10/10) The title is catchy and has a good ring to it. I was immediately intrigued by it, and it accurately represents your story. Just by reading the title, I already learned the basic concept of your story. Well done!
YOUR BLURB: (4/5) Your blurb is free of any grammatical errors and includes all the main points of your story. By reading your blurb, I was able to learn the content of your story, and you did a great job at conveying this information within a short and concise blurb. However, I took off a point because of the basic structure of your blurb. How can you make this more interesting? How can you show off your writing capabilities and hook in potential readers with strong and impactful sentences? I suggest playing around with sentence structures and finding ways to add an artistic element to your writing.
YOUR HOOK: (3/5) I spotted at least one grammatical within the first two paragraphs, although minimal. I'll point them out in your chapter reviews later on. What I enjoyed about your hook is that you brought me straight into your protagonist's mindset. I got the sense that she was a bit resentful of her sisters, and I also learned about her interests and way of thinking. However, the way you portrayed this information was messy. You info-dumped on your audience, meaning you spent a few paragraphs giving your readers a history lesson of your protagonist's sisters. Oftentimes, this is boring, and most readers will skim over this information. In order to really have your readers absorb all this information is to feed it to them, little by little. Instead of telling them, show them. For example, Ashlynn's parents could be talking about Amber's latest art piece, or Ashlynn could have a flashback of how her classmates treated her in her old school as having Carolyn as her older sister. This is a much more interesting way to portray this information, because by just writing about her sisters is like reading a long profile bio. I suggest rewriting this to interweave with the narrative of the story.
YOUR GRAMMAR: (6/10) I noticed that you struggled with your use of commas. Oftentimes, you misplaced commas, used unnecessary commas, or were missing commas in a sentence. Comma uses can vary depending on the type of clause. An independent clause has a subject (someone/something doing the action) and a predicate (the action that is being done by the subject). An independent clause also doesn't depend on another clause to make sense; it can be its own sentence. For example, the clause, "I cried," has a subject, "I," and a predicate, "cried." If two independent clauses are joined together with a conjunction, they should be separated with a comma. For example, the sentence, "I cried then Billy ran away," has two independent clauses. One is "I cried, and the other is "Billy ran away." These two clauses are joined with the conjunction "then," and should be separated from one another. The correction would be: "I cried, then Billy ran away." Now, a dependent clause is just like an independent clause. But while it also has a subject and a predicate, it depends on another clause to make sense. For example, it doesn't make sense for the clause "I said," to be a sentence by itself. Although it has a subject and a predicate, it's connected to another clause. Dependent clauses should also still be separated from other clauses with a comma. Commas can also separate introductory words or phrases from a main clause. For example, in the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause here is, "I went to work." It has the subject, "I," and the predicate, "went." You'll notice that the word "today" isn't included in the class. Therefore, it should be separated from the clause with a comma. The correction is: "Today, I went to work."
