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BLURB:
Mom: Why did you fail your test?,why are you joking with your future!
Me: It is not me who failed but the education system which has failed once again!,and even if I failed the test,it doesn't mean I'll fail in life.
Journey with me as I see the world and life from a different perspective and discuss different issues affecting youths
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YOUR COVER: (6/10) What I appreciate is I can see the relevance of the image you've used. It represents both your story and title. The title, however, is hard to make out. I suggest being more creative with the font, color, and placement of your title so it stands out to your readers. If you have trouble with this, you can also go to a cover shop. I have many fabulous cover designers featured in my reading list for you to check out!
YOUR TITLE: (10/10) It is straight to the point. I immediately understand the representation it has for your story and genre, and it's short and easy to remember. It also has an underlining theme that will represent all chapters of the story, not just a part of it. Well done!
YOUR BLURB: (3/5) There are several grammatical errors I spotted right off the bat in your blurb. You can check out the grammar section and apply the suggestions I have there to your blurb, but if you're looking for specifics, please ask! I appreciate that the blurb is short and concise and represents the story, but it only represents a part of it. From what I can see, My Perspective is about discussing many issues affecting youths, and school is only a part of it. Therefore, I'd suggest using a blurb that works to represent all these issues. Instead of providing an example like you did, you could list off several examples (without going too much in depth), then include at the bottom (like you already did) what this story is about. To let potential readers understand the depth of your reasoning, you could include the why and how of all these issues--how are they connected, and how are they affecting us?
YOUR HOOK: (2/5) I spotted many grammatical errors immediately from the hook, and I'll mention them to you in your chapter reviews below. Your sentences are pretty chunky and on the longer side, which makes it harder for your readers to break them down and absorb all this information. It also gives me that rushed feeling, so I suggest breaking down these sentences to ease me into the first chapter. Otherwise, I appreciate that you jumped straight into the topic.
YOUR GRAMMAR: (2/10) I noticed that you sometimes tend to leave out punctuation in your dialogues. Just like ending sentences, dialogues need to be ended as well. Just because you add a dialogue mark to the end doesn't mean it's a complete sentence. It isn't complete until you add a punctuation mark at the end. I've pointed out some examples of this below.
You had a lot of comma mistakes. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate different clauses within a sentence, whether they're independent or dependent. An independent clause has a subject (who/what is doing the action) and a predicate (the action being done by the subject). Oftentimes, a sentence has two independent clauses, joined together with a conjunction. In the sentence, "I cried then Billy ran away," there are two independent clauses here. One is, "I cried," and the other is, "Billy ran away." Both have a subject and a predicate, and they're joined together by the conjunction, "then." Because of this, the two clauses still need to be separated with a comma, the correction being: "I cried, then Billy ran away."
