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BLURB:
The Secretary of the LOSVO is missing, and along with him, a case containing the instructions to create a deadly bio-virus, far more dangerous than any black plague. The four agents of the Vespian Emeralds along with Adrian Ranks, the Head of Special Missions Department, are up against one of the most puzzling cases of their lives, dealing with a criminal who is not what he seems.
And as though things aren't complicated enough, shocking revelations about family histories leave the girls in disbelief. Three of them, to be a exact.
What is their mission and what is the Secretary's true motive? Is it a game of vendetta or is it merely for pleasure?
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YOUR COVER: (7/10) I appreciate that your cover hints at the genre (action/mystery) with the images used and the font of the title. However, I feel very indifferent with this cover; it doesn't call out to me like another cover might. The placement of the title in its entirety feels iffy to me, and the color scheme used seems to represent more of a fantasy element in the story. Of course, you're welcome to keep it as it is, but if you ever choose to upgrade the cover in the future, I have some amazing cover shops featured in my reading list that you can check out!
YOUR TITLE: (10/10) Honestly, there isn't much to say here. The title is unique, and as a reader from the mystery genre, I would've been hooked in by just the title. It also uniquely represents your story, meaning it's included actively within the plot and cannot apply as a title to other stories by other authors. The principal thing I'm concerned about with titles is the originality and repetition. However, there is nothing to worry about here, as your title is both creative and represents your story to its full capacity.
YOUR BLURB: (4/5) Your blurb is packed and very informational. I have nothing against that, as it doesn't give away too much details to a potential reader, and appropriately makes sense to readers that may have come from the first book. I noticed that overall, your sentences (especially in the first paragraph) are on the longer side. There were about three commas tying in average-sized clauses that could stand alone as separate sentences. As long sentences can affect the clarity of the readability for your audience, I suggest restructuring them in a way so the length of your sentences isn't as daunting as they appear. There are also a few commas that, if you kept the blurb the same, would be necessary to add as well. You can ask me where if you're curious. Additionally, in the sentence, "Three of them, to be a exact," the "a" is unnecessary (I'm assuming it's a typo?).
YOUR HOOK: (4/5) Immediately, I get the sense that we're diving straight into the story (even if it's mostly crucial background information). It's packed with useful information used to navigate through the story, and the style of writing seems casual in a way that makes me wonder who is presenting the introduction. It also makes me eager to learn more and potentially find a source for the personality I got from this brief chapter. Specifically, for your hook, it started off with a question that had me intrigued—and was also necessary to know before starting the first chapter. I don't have any problems with the way it started, but if I'm nitpicking, I'd suggest restructuring some sentences in the beginning to deliver any points on point, and I noticed that in your first paragraph, you mention "community" three times. How can you restructure that sentence to avoid this repetition? The same can apply to any areas in the beginning that feel unnecessarily drawn-out as well.
