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BLURB:
Dany has left the streets for good... at least for a day or two until a massacre at her apartment complex by a gang of "noble" dragons sends her good intentions, and life, spiraling back into the shadows.
When an old friend offers her a run to make some quick cash, she accepts, needing the distraction. But as they attempt the break in, the run is anything but quick; it's a bloodbath. It has good reason to be, because at its center is a chip with information that can change the genetics of the world. One that unravels the secret to the elusive dragons, and why, and how, they rose to power.
Everybody wants a piece of the chip for revenge, money, equality, peace--a choice that rest ultimately on Dany, and she has no idea what to do with it.
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YOUR COVER: (6/10) I appreciate the mood the cover gives off, as it portrays your genre and story well. However, there's too much going on with the background. It's sorely distracting, which makes the title less obvious than it should be. You can keep it as it is, but I also suggest keeping your mind open to other cover possibilities that are more professional and less chaotic.
YOUR TITLE: (9/10) The title is interesting and unique! I can see a connection with it and your story. I'm not completely sure whether it fully represents your story the best it can, although it could also be because I've only read five chapters.
YOUR BLURB: (3/5) For the most part, I appreciate how your blurb is well-constructed and clearly thought out. It's on the lengthy side, and you could work more on tightening/shortening your sentences. Many readers who look at your blurb want to be hooked in as fast as possible, and if they aren't, they leave. Additionally, I noticed a grammar mistake. "Rest" should be conjugated to fit the context of your sentence, "rests," as it has a singular subject. Other than that, I have no other complaints.
YOUR HOOK: (4/5) Your hook was intriguing, and you included details that drew me into your character's mindset and setting, as well as setting the mood for your story. There were some punctuation choices that I would suggest changing, but I'll address that in your chapter reviews. Additionally, I didn't really notice the element of fear or nervousness, or the idea of possibly dying until later on in your hook. You should try to make your audience twitch with anxiety for your character from the first sentence. It would be the fastest way to fully hook them in, and they'd keep reading to learn what happens to Dany.
YOUR GRAMMAR: (7/10) You had some comma mistakes in your writing. Commas are used to separate different clauses. There are two types of clauses: Independent and dependent. They both have subjects (who/what is doing the action), and a predicate (the action being done). The difference between the two is that an independent clause can stand alone as its own sentence, while a dependent clause depends on another clause to make sense. If more than one clause is joined together, they should be separated with a comma. For example, this sentence, "I cried, then Billy ran away," there are two different independent clauses. One is "I cried," and the other is "Billy ran away." You'll notice that they're separated with a conjunction and a comma. You often misuse commas in this sense or forget to add them. Commas can also be used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," and you'll notice that it has a subject "I" and a predicate "went." The word "today" is excluded, and needs to be separated with a comma. The correction is: "Today, I went to work."
