BLURB:
"You think I 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 that peice of shit? Excuse me, Jeon Jungkook! I do not even remotely, not even one tiny bit do I like Mister Jung Hoseok! I could never like that sunshine-smiling, starry-eyed motherfucker! Never! No! Absolutely not! What type of sane bastard can even look into the eyes of that... that hoe!?"
Where Min Yoongi despises his - whatever Jung Hoseok is to him for being too happy and too loud and too... Hoseok. Because no! He doesn't think Hoseok's laughter is like bells' from heaven. No! He does not believe that Hoseok has stars for eyes. No! Hoseok is not his happy-pill with his rainbow smiles and stellar cheekbones.
A wonderful tale about enthusiastic Jung Hoseok and the-very-much-better-than-everyone-on-this-entire-fucking-planet-in-the-whole-wide-universe-definitely-better-than-Jung-Hoseok Min Yoongi.
(Or; Yoongi has too much of a big ego to go and talk to Jung Hoseok.)
***
YOUR COVER: (7/10) I appreciate the cleanliness of your cover. It's simple and professional. I was confused on the title—is is missing an 's' on purpose? Additionally, when I read your blurb, this seemed to be more of a light-hearted story, but the cover doesn't convey that mood. You can keep it as it is, but I also suggest checking out some cover makers on Wattpad as well. I have some amazing cover shops featured on my reading list.
YOUR TITLE: (10/10) I immediately got the sense of the mood of the story when I read the title. Your title is witty and will attract the right readers for your story/genre. I thought this was a well thought-up title. Well done!
YOUR BLURB: (3/5) I appreciated the humor and wit you've incorporated into your blurb. I got the overall sense of the story, and your blurb draws in the right readers looking for a story in your genre. There were some grammar mistakes, however. You were missing the clarity that should come with the blurb as well. There was some repetition with your descriptions as well. I suggest tightening/shortening your blurb so there is no repetition, and it's easy to read for your audience. You also have a spelling mistake with the word "piece."
YOUR HOOK: (5/5) Right off the bat, I got a good taste for the mood of the story, the mindset of your protagonist, and your writing capabilities as a writer. You jumped straight into the story with clean writing and good readability. Well done!
YOUR GRAMMAR: (8/10) You had some comma mistakes in your writing. Commas are used to separate different clauses. There are two types of clauses: Independent and dependent. They both have subjects (who/what is doing the action), and a predicate (the action being done). The difference between the two is that an independent clause can stand alone as its own sentence, while a dependent clause depends on another clause to make sense. If more than one clause is joined together, they should be separated with a comma. For example, this sentence, "I cried, then Billy ran away," there are two different independent clauses. One is "I cried," and the other is "Billy ran away." You'll notice that they're separated with a conjunction and a comma. You often misuse commas in this sense or forget to add them. Commas can also be used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," and you'll notice that it has a subject "I" and a predicate "went." The word "today" is excluded and needs to be separated with a comma. The correction is: "Today, I went to work."
YOU ARE READING
Essie's Critiques
Non-FictionAre you an undiscovered writer searching for ways to improve your work and get some recognition? Apply to have your story reviewed here and expect honest feedback, brutal critiques, and to return with a story that can't ever be forgotten. Cover by...