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BLURB:
Put me down," I said calmly. I didn't like people carrying me. When he ignored me, I tried again.
"Put me down Al"
he ignored me, again.
" Put me down please Al. "
Once again, no response .
" AL CAPONE PUT ME DOWN RIGHT FUCKING NOW"
" Fine, you said so,"he said throwing me on the bed.
Hannah Brown is an abandoned woman, who's parents left her all alone at a very young age. She was bullied all through school and believes her life will always be this depressing and lonely hell hole. That is until she figures out she has to be the assistant to one of the biggest playboys and richest men in the city, Al Capone.
What happens when two people who believe they are completely different turn out to actually very alike?
Will these opposite souls fall in love the way or will her life always be this way?
***
YOUR COVER: (3/10) The quality of the photo used here is blurry and doesn't draw me in. Along with that, having a silhouette of a couple embracing as your cover is a cliche cover used in the romance genre—with many variations of this exact structure used. The font presented on the cover is boring and uncreative. I suggest playing around with more covers, or going to a cover maker on Wattpad.
YOUR TITLE: (4/10) I typed your title into the search bar on Wattpad, and over 60 stories with the exact same title popped up. You probably already know that this is a cliche title, especially considering the fact that in the romance genre, many authors use titles with the word "love" in it; such as Hopeless Love or Unforgettable Love or Loveless Love. The list keeps piling up, and your title is just another version of this structure. I suggest finding a genuinely interesting title that isn't generic, representing your story accurately. Almost every love story on Wattpad is unpredictable; your title doesn't convey anything new about your story. If you choose to find a new title, I suggest searching for repetitive phrases throughout your story, specific people, symbolic objects, or it could be the last few words of your story. You can also look at your favorite stories and see how the authors chose the titles.
YOUR BLURB: (1/5) There were a lot of grammatical errors I've spotted, such as lack of capitalization, missing punctuations, missing spaces, extra spaces, and misused apostrophes. For example, in the word "who's," you're essentially saying "Hannah Brown is an abandoned woman, who is parents left her..." Since you're writing this word to be a possessive pronoun, you should replace it with the word "whose." Along with that, I've noticed that the excerpt you've included in your blurb has nothing to do with the plot at all. While it may convey the relationship between the two characters, it doesn't contribute to the storyline or reveal something that your readers would want to learn about. If you insist on using an excerpt from your story, it should be at a symbolic moment, such as when the two characters first meet, or the incident when Hannah's life took a turn for the worse. Your writing here could be tightened and shortened, and I suggest rewriting each sentence to be the best it could be. The primary goal with your blurb is to show off your writing capabilities and hook in your readers, while writing it as short and as concise as you possibly can. You can always include the full synopsis in your actual story.
