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BLURB:
Recently orphaned and placed under the reluctant care of her aunt, Marley Vera moves to Dencis, a small town located three hours from Melbourne, Victoria.
With tensions rising between the aunt and niece duo Marley enrols herself into a three week workshop camp for youths, where the hopeful end result leads to a job out of Dencis.
That's the plan anyways, and one Marley begins to doubt when she arrives at a camp barely holding on by the seams. That and the loud neighbours, construction developers hoping to turn the surrounding forest into an expansion of the town.
Marley doesn't think it could get much worse, but when she hears of an old mystery surrounding Dencis Forest Marley -alongside new friends- finds herself in a race against the clock to find the one thing that could help take back Dencis Forest and save it from destruction.
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YOUR COVER: (9/10) From the way the title is presented to the photo, I can see that it's very professional and well made. It seems to hold a significant meaning to your story, and it draws in the right audience here.
YOUR TITLE: (10/10) Not only is your title unique and has a nice ring to it, it's also relevant to your story and holds great significance! Upon reading your blurb, I was immediately able to identify how the plot tied with the title. Well done here!
YOUR BLURB: (4/5) Although I was able to get the general idea for your story, some of your sentences could be restructured to make more sense to potential readers. The purpose of the blurb is to get the concept of your story across with only the bare minimum. You have a few grammar issues, such as a comma missing between the word "duo" and "Marley." Make sure to proof-read your blurb carefully, because there are some phrases that could be restructured, or have some unnecessary filler words. You blurb showcases your writing talent, so it has to be as flawless as possible.
YOUR HOOK: (4/5) From reading your hook, I can see you took a philosophical approach to beginning your story. It's a great way to introduce the mind of your protagonist for your readers without being cliche or generic, and there weren't grammar errors that I could find. There could be some restructuring for the first paragraph to make your hook more memorable, but I'll address that in your chapter reviews.
YOUR GRAMMAR: (6/10) Have you read a story and found yourself skimming over long sentences and long clauses? It's natural for readers to be unable to read abnormally long sentences, as it takes a while for the brain to comprehend its structure. That's why it's always best to separate sentences into several clauses and keep them short and concise. That way, your readers can read and understand each sentence one at a time rather than all at once. I found your long sentences to be a problem in reading your story. There were many instances where your sentences could be separated with commas and periods. You can do more research on commas on your own, but I recommend keeping in mind that commas are used to separate topics within a sentence. I've provided some examples in your chapter reviews down below, but there were many that I haven't mentioned. Make sure to go thoroughly through your chapter and find those, correcting them on your own.
