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BLURB:
When Nora Wilder joins the police force, her colleagues think she is useless. They think she isn't cut out for being a cop.
But when murders start happening in her town and secrets start surfacing, she has her mind set on proving her colleagues wrong.
But she can't do it alone.
No matter how much she wants to.
***
YOUR COVER: (8/10) The cover looks very professional and well made. I enjoy the way the title and author's name is presented neatly. However, I feel that it doesn't fully portray your story well. It doesn't give me the sense that it's in the mystery/romance genre. You can certainly keep it as it is, but it doesn't draw me in or make me want to read your story.
YOUR TITLE: (3/10) From reading your title, I can tell that this is a murder/mystery story. However, almost all murder mysterious include knives and secrets, so I find this title to be generic. It also looks random, as though you tossed two words together. Unless this phrase itself holds a significance to your story, I suggest you change the title to something that has a better ring and importance to your plot.
YOUR BLURB: (4/5) Your blurb is short and concise; it clearly outlines the plot of your story here. I immediately got a sense of what your story was about without trying too hard to understand it, so I'm impressed here! The only thing is that there are some parts that are awkward and could be restructured. For example, when saying, "They think she isn't cut out for being a cop," I suggest restructuring this and perhaps adding an elaboration, such as, "They think she isn't cut out for being a cop, and the worst part is that she's starting to believe it too." It has a nice note of finality to it.
YOUR HOOK: (4/5) I enjoyed how your writing was free of any mistakes and brought me into the setting of your story. I took a point off here because starting off a story with a phone call interrupting a character's thoughts is pretty cliche and generic; many authors who aren't sure where to start their story tend to start this way. Along with that, you want to show your readers your full capabilities of your writing, and hook them as fast as possible. How can you restructure these sentences and make them more captivating to read? What descriptions can you add, sensory detail, and really make your readers look through your protagonist's eyes?
YOUR GRAMMAR: (5/10) The huge thing I've noticed was an overwhelming amount of punctuation and capitalization errors. Keep in mind that if a dialogue tag (he said, she said, he exclaimed, they yelled, etc) accompanies your dialogue, the dialogue itself should end in a comma to signify that the sentence isn't over, and the dialogue tag is always a continuation of the dialogue sentence. Since the dialogue tag isn't a new sentence, that means the start of the dialogue tag should never be capitalized as well. An accurate example of this is: "'I know,' she said." However, if there's an action tag (he cried, she ran away, they hit the wall, etc) accompanying your dialogue, the dialogue should end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the action tag is the start of a new sentence. That also means the start of the action should be capitalized because it's the start of a new sentence. A correct example of this would be: "'I know.' She grinned." In summarization, if a dialogue tag comes after your dialogue, the dialogue should end in anything except a period, and the dialogue tag is never capitalized. If the action tag comes after your dialogue, the dialogue should end in anything except a comma, and the action tag is always capitalized.
