Are you an undiscovered writer searching for ways to improve your work and get some recognition? Apply to have your story reviewed here and expect honest feedback, brutal critiques, and to return with a story that can't ever be forgotten.
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BLURB:
❝It was completely white, except for its bloody mouth, which had a black substance leaking out of it, and a long black tongue sticking out.❞
She woke up in a mental asylum, with no memory of who she was, or how she got there. All she knows is that the place is dangerous, and she needs to survive, or escape. Her only consistent form of help is a small voice that rings in her mind. Is she going o survive in this place? Or will its monsters get the best of her?
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YOUR COVER: (5/10) Your cover is simple and basic, and there's nothing wrong with that. It definitely gives off the vibe of peace and quiet, which represents your title. However, it doesn't fit your genre. This seems to be a cover used for a story about a local coffee shop or a collection of short stories, not for a paranormal story. There should be an element of magic or otherness that lets potential readers know which genre this story belongs to. That way, you will also draw in the right readers for your story. You can find a graphic designer to do this for you, or you can find a cover shop featured in my reading list to help you.
YOUR TITLE: (7/10) I can see that it accurately represents your story (the title of your protagonist and the lack of her words), and an underlying message about silence of some kind is sprinkled throughout your work. Keep in mind that if you choose to keep a title like this, then you need to work harder on everything else, as this title does not give off the 'paranormal' vibe, and it isn't unique enough to stand out on its own.
YOUR BLURB: (4/5) I appreciate that the excerpt used at the top of the blurb represents the genre, as well as gives off the hint of what kind of story this is. It can invoke feelings from potential readers, as well as give off a mysterious vibe. As a reader, I wondered, "Is this real, or all imagination?" And that made me want to read more and find out for myself. You have a spelling typo in the actual section of your blurb, however. Before you put out a blurb that will basically represent your story, make sure to thoroughly read it over, edit, proof-read, and tighten/shorten your sentences.
YOUR HOOK: (4/5) Right off the bat, I got a feel for the story based on the mood, atmosphere, and additionally, your writing capabilities. There were some elements that you were lacking, however. I felt that you could expand upon your description. You want to showcase your writing abilities so your readers can trust you and your writing style. What was the darkness like? What can you compare it with, and what about how your protagonist is feeling? You can describe more than that they feel like they're floating in nothingness. Additionally, you're missing necessary punctuation, as the end of the sentence always needs to be followed by a period.
YOUR GRAMMAR: (4/10) You struggled with your punctuation and capitalization with dialogues. If your dialogue is accompanied with a dialogue tag (he said, she yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), the dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue sentence. For example, it doesn't make sense for the clause, "She said," to be a sentence by itself. Therefore, it's part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue should end in a comma to indicate that the sentence isn't complete, and the start of a dialogue tag is not capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. The opposite goes for action tags. If your dialogue is accompanied by an action tag (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action), the action should not be part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue doesn't help the action tag make sense; the action tag should be a sentence by itself. Therefore, the dialogue should end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the start of the action tag should always be capitalized, as it's the start of a new sentence. Of course, the punctuation may vary. Exclamation marks and question marks can end a dialogue regardless of the tag accompanying it, as long as if it's a dialogue tag, the dialogue never ends in a period, and for an action tag, it never ends in a comma.
