The Desirability | skies_and_dreams

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BLURB:

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When artist Damien Miller is struggling to find inspiration for his new painting, he stumbles across his neighbor- Alison Jolie. Mystified by her magnetic personality, he wants her to be his muse. But while observing her, vivid questions pop into his mind. Is she as happy as she depicts? Why is she on the patio each night? But most of all, are her livid pink-purple bruises telling a different story about her happy, married life?

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YOUR COVER: (7/10) I like the mood of your cover, and it tells a story by itself. It's creative and draws in the right audience. However, it's also a little vague, and the way the title is presented could be a lot better. If you don't have the time to brush up on your font type/color/sizing and find a better representation for your story, I suggest finding a Wattpad cover maker to do the job for you.

YOUR TITLE: (6/10) While I can make a distinct connection with the title and your story, it's also generic and very vague. This title could fit any book, really, and doesn't do a great job at describing your story. As you continue to write, I suggest finding better titles through quotes, significant objects, or names of important characters. Then, you can find the one that appeals to you the most.

YOUR BLURB: (5/5) Wow, I'm so impressed by your blurb! It's short, well-structured, and compelling. This is a very professional-looking synopsis for your story, and will definitely bring in the right readers for your story. Well done!

YOUR HOOK: (4/5) What I like about your hook is that it sets the surroundings for your main characters, the keywords being "Manhattan" and "blizzard." Your sentences here were well-thought and well-structured. The reason why I took off a point here is because the beginning for your story is also cliche. Many writers start off their stories with either their characters waking up or describing the weather. Is there another way you can start this story? It's not necessary, but I suggest you think about it.

YOUR GRAMMAR: (8/10) The only real grammar mistake I've caught is your comma use. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate several topics within a sentence. Usually, they accompany conjunctions (and, but, or, etc). For example, take the sentence, "she knocked on his door and he answered." The two topics are that she knocked on his door, and that he answered. There's also a conjunction "and" here, so there should be a comma as well. Correction: "She knocked on his door, and he answered." There also have been times where you have unnecessary commas. In future writing, ask yourself if the commas in your sentences are really necessary. What purpose do they serve?

YOUR SPELLING ERRORS: (3/5) Throughout your writing, I've caught several spelling mistakes. There weren't any typos, but you've misused words, confused plural and singular transition words, and left out auxiliary verbs that should have accompanied your verb. I've pointed a few out to you, but I suggest proof-reading your writing thoroughly before uploading on Wattpad.

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