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BLURB:
"I reassure myself that someday I will also be an ordinary American high school student crushing on a cute guy, and not an immigrant redefining her identity.
Everything will be normal."
~~~
Leaving one's comfort crowd without a goodbye is enough to throw any sane person in emotional turmoil. But for Rebecca Jones, a socially awkward and introverted teenager, the impact is ten times worse when she has to move countries within a day.
While struggling to maintain a long distance friendship with her two bestfriends in Germany, she befriends Tamara and the infamous Sylvester brothers who have a conflicted past concerning their sister.
Will Rebecca adapt to her new life? Or is the tugging past strong enough to prevent her from moving forward?
Board the plane that is taking Rebecca from a land of contentment to one that is filled with loneliness, cultural shocks, and hazy priorities.
***
YOUR COVER: (7/10) I appreciate that the cover hints at the genre of your story. It conveys a mood that represents your story. The only complaint I have is that the title itself is hard to see; it doesn't stand out from the photo used. Neither does the author's name or the story quote. If you were to change something in the cover, I'd recommend tackling the title so it stands out.
YOUR TITLE: (10/10) The title is interesting, unique, and has a nice ring to it. It's easy to remember, and while it accurately represents the story, it also hints at some kind of metaphorical meaning that might later be revealed in the plot. Well done!
YOUR BLURB: (3/5) Your blurb is on the longer side. This could work as a synopsis, but a blurb is supposed to be only a glimpse of your story; something short and enticing to draw in your reader without having them do much reading. You have some grammatical errors; for example, "best friends" would be two words, not one. You also included generic descriptions in the blurb, such as the idea of adapting to an unfamiliar environment and moving on from the past. Most stories on Wattpad include these obstacles in the blurbs, and it isn't something new that will intrigue the reader or interest them. I suggest focusing on the fundamental facts, and if you want to dive deeper, you can include the full synopsis in the actual story. I appreciated the small excerpt included at the top, however, as it accurately portrays the content of your story.
YOUR HOOK: (3/5) One thing I noticed right off the bat was the mood of the hook. There was stress and tension lining the air from the subtle details you've included within the first few paragraphs. I was able to imagine the scene in my head, and it brought me straight into the heart of your story. However, there is a lot to be improved. I found your descriptions to be lacking depth; they were only on the surface of your story. The abrupt transition from the protagonist and her parents to her bolting to her room was off-putting as well. You could have used this opportunity to introduce her parents in a more solid way, meaning more than just their dialogues and expressions. This could let the readers know the overall temperaments of her parents under stress. Maybe her dad likes to pace across the room, and maybe her mom becomes extremely quiet under pressure. This also hints at the protagonist's upbringing as a child. The emotions you've described were also very basic and not deep. You could dive more into the internal conflict she was struggling with in that moment. A teenager suddenly bolting to her room in a burst of anger is a very cliché scene, and to make it more original, you could've included her thought process. Maybe she wanted time alone, maybe she wanted to express her anger obviously, etc.
