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BLURB:
Ava was just an ordinary girl living an ordinary life in an ordinary world. She was tired of it , she desired for adventure and the extraordinary. One day , she was on her evening stroll , when she saw a white bunny ; she loved bunnies and ran after it and followed it into a large tunnel... Before she knew it she was falling down a deep dark hole...
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"Welcome to the wonderland~ How are you doing miss ?~" A beautiful enticing voice in the dark asked her. She could hear an enchanting song playing faintly in the background..
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She meets a lot of new and eccentric people while trying to find a way to get back home from the deep dark hell known as Wonderland~
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YOUR COVER: (6/10) The way you presented the photo and title was very organized, but I got the sense that the cover felt more like a slideshow than an actual story cover. There should be more creativity here with the filters used, how the photo is cropped, and how the title is presented. I suggest taking the time to make your cover more interesting, or you can go to a cover designer on Wattpad to help you out.
YOUR TITLE: (9/10) The title here definitely shows a connection with the story. It's the most obvious title for your story. However, it isn't the most original. This is a title that many writers will default to with the relation of the story, and it doesn't make me more interested than any other story title. It could also be because of the presentation of the title of your cover that makes it uninteresting. You can keep it as it is, but I suggest changing the cover to better present the title, or find a new title that is appealing and connects with the story differently.
YOUR BLURB: (3/5) Your blurb was at an acceptable length, which I appreciated. However, there were several grammatical issues going on. For example, you had unnecessary spaces between your words and your commas. The commas should not have extra spaces before or after them. You also included tildes in unnecessary spots in your blurb. A tilde is used when referencing something or showing that something is equal to something else. You incorrectly used these here. The quote used was also randomly placed. You should only include the quote if it hooks in potential readers, contributes to the plot, and/or both, and it should go in the correct order that matches with your blurb. In your blurb, I get the sense that the quote should either come before the blurb or after, and not in between. You also had capitalization issues with your dialogue and several comma splices. A comma splice is when you connect two clauses using a clause without a proper conjunction. An example of this is: "I walked home, I saw the lights on." Comma splices were common in your blurb, and you should either use a conjunction along with the comma, or replace the comma with a period. Along with that, if this is the rewritten story of Alice in Wonderland, try to change a few aspects of it in your blurb. The only thing that changed in it was her name. If you know that this rewrite is different from the original, make sure to include the differences in the blurb so potential readers can be intrigued with new concepts involved. From reading your five chapters, I learned that this is a dark retake on the original story, and that Ava had, in fact, been to Wonderland when she was younger! This information is interesting, so I do wonder why you hadn't included that in your blurb. It's important to the blurb, and you should include information differing from the original story. I didn't learn anything new about this new retake on Alice in Wonderland from the original.
