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BLURB:
Quinn has never seen the outside world.
Living in an orphanage with other girls, she has never seen what's past her gates. None of the girls have. Neither has she ever seen a boy.
The only world Quinn knows of is the orphanage that she's forbidden from leaving.
The only way out is to reach eighteen when the girls are offered a promotion.
As her seventeen birthday approaches, but her eighteenth birthday still far away, Quinn is offered a promotion to marry. In objection, she flees to the gate that separates her world from the real world, where she finds a badly injured boy on the outside.
With the boy's help, Quinn realizes the orphanage's truth is far more sinister than she thought.
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YOUR COVER: (8/10) The title font, sizing, and presentation is creative and unique. It looks professionally made, and it is intriguing enough to pull me in. The image was too dark for me to tell clearly the surroundings for a moment, so I suggest finding a better quality image or to use filters on the current one to add more to the story of the image and emphasize your cover and title.
YOUR TITLE: (10/10) Not only is the title unique, but it accurately represents your story, and has an air of mysteriousness that adds to your story. It portrays your genre well and matches up with your cover and blurb.
YOUR BLURB: (4/5) I was impressed by the conciseness of your blurb. I understood it perfectly, and there were no grammatical errors that blocked me from mis-reading anything. There were some awkward sentences in terms of how you phrased them. For example, you could get rid of "what's" entirely in the second paragraph. Be mindful of how to write each sentence the best way. That means to make it as clear as possible, minimizing filler words, and getting rid of awkward sentence structures.
YOUR HOOK: (4/5) I was impressed with your hook. You brought me straight into Quinn's mindset and hinted at a past loss. I got the sense of a dark mood right from the start of your story, which I suspect is unintentional, and I was interested in learning about Little May because of how subtly you brought her into the story. There was a grammatical error, but I'll point that out in your chapter reviews.
YOUR GRAMMAR: (5/10) You had some comma mistakes throughout your writing. Commas are used to separate different clauses. There are two types of clauses: Independent and dependent. They both have subjects (who/what is doing the action), and a predicate (the action being done). The difference between the two is that an independent clause can stand alone as its own sentence, while a dependent clause depends on another clause to make sense. If more than one clause is joined together, they should be separated with a comma. For example, this sentence, "I cried, then Billy ran away," there are two different independent clauses. One is "I cried," and the other is "Billy ran away." You'll notice that they're separated with a conjunction and a comma. You often misuse commas in this sense or forget to add them. Commas can also be used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," and you'll notice that it has a subject "I" and a predicate "went." The word "today" is excluded, and needs to be separated with a comma. The correction is: "Today, I went to work."
