BLURB:
She wanted to escape, she found her escape
***
YOUR COVER: (4/10) It doesn't look like a lot of time has been put into the title presentation, font, sizing, and color. The photo manipulation isn't the best, and overall the cover doesn't look professional. I wasn't drawn in to your story, so I suggest getting another cover from a Wattpad cover designer.
YOUR TITLE: (4/10) The title here sounds like you put together two words that are relevant to your story. But they don't have a nice ring to it, and the title is generic. There are so many stories related to time and escaping, you need to narrow your title down to draw in an audience genuinely interested. As you write, consider opening yourself to new title ideas. They may come to you in a certain phrase, object, or concept in the story.
YOUR BLURB: (1/5) The blurb here is too vague to draw me in. The point of the blurb is to show off your writing capabilities while exposing the plot of your story to potential readers. There are so many books out there with a similar concept to yours, and I didn't get enough information to want to read your story. The sentence is unfinished as well (missing period) and I didn't get a character's name, the setting, scene, situation, and trigger. It's vital to include these, or you'll have a hard time finding a strong audience.
YOUR HOOK: (3/5) I spotted some awkward sentences that could be restructured to sound more poetic in your writing, but I did enjoy how you started off the foreword. You made the first paragraph sound dreamy and aesthetic, and I enjoyed it immensely!
YOUR GRAMMAR: (3/10) It was hard to untangle some of your sentences, because you had a variety of grammar mistakes ranging from commas, punctuation, and misusing plural/singular transition words. Keep in mind to keep your plural/singular words consistent when writing. That means that when you write about her eyes, you should use the word "were" rather than "was," as "her eyes" is plural, meaning more than one. Along with that, keep in mind that a comma should be separating several topics within a sentence. However, the rules for commas are always complex, so I suggest doing more research of this on your own and using a helpful writing tool to help find your mistakes.
YOUR SPELLING ERRORS: (4/5) While I didn't spot any typos within your foreword, there were several times I spotted misused words, or there was a repetition of words in your writing. I've pointed them down below, but hopefully you'll be able to find the rest on your own. I strongly suggest proof-reading/editing your writing thoroughly before uploading on Wattpad, as I've found too many mistakes to point out each and every one of them.
YOUR PLOT: (5/20) There are many stories out there where the protagonist just wants to escape from the reality of life. Your story is the same, and I couldn't find something that differentiated it from other stories. Your plot is too vague, and from reading your foreword/synopsis, all I learned was that she was tired of life, she used poetry as her escape, and had conflicted feelings when love entered her life. Try to go more into detail about what her plan was for her escape, and who was the love interest? While I appreciated the philosophical thinking, you spent too much time describing her feelings for poetry and life overall. Try to stay on track without rambling about topics unnecessary to the synopsis.
YOU ARE READING
Essie's Critiques
Non-FictionAre you an undiscovered writer searching for ways to improve your work and get some recognition? Apply to have your story reviewed here and expect honest feedback, brutal critiques, and to return with a story that can't ever be forgotten. Cover by...