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BLURB:
Carlie Gable doesn't know how to exist without her long-term boyfriend by her side. Carlie and Jacobo, that's how it has always been and the only way she can imagine their future. Her family treats him as their own and her friends wish they could find a boy like Jacobo Alcantara. But what happens when the boy voted prom king decides he no longer needs his queen?
Struggling to cope with the break-up, Carlie turns to the people around her for help, but when her best friend moves halfway across the world and her home life gets tough, she realises there is only one person she can really depend on - herself.
Follow Carlie as she juggles romance, friendship and school work whilst she discovers that sometimes things need to break before they can shine.
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YOUR COVER: (7/10) I was able to connect your cover and your story/title together. Your cover is very clean and organized, but lacks creativity. How can you make your cover stand out and look unique? What about experimenting with the font presentation/sizing/color/style? What about photo filters and placement? If you can't come up with ideas to experiment with your cover, you can also go to a cover designer on Wattpad.
YOUR TITLE: (7/10) From reading your first five chapters, I wasn't able to make a connection between the title and the story. However, I trust that you'll make a connection with the story later on. Other than that, your title is unique and seems to hold a symbolic meaning that I enjoy.
YOUR BLURB: (4/5) I was impressed with the conciseness and organization of your blurb. I got the gist of your story plot, and there weren't any grammatical errors littering your writing. One thing I suggest doing is separating your paragraphs into smaller paragraphs. That way, it's easier to absorb information for your readers; with one small paragraph at a time.
YOUR HOOK: (4/5) The first line had me hooked. You dove straight into the story with the action triggering the story plot. It was short, snappy, and sharp. I just wanted to add that although this isn't part of your hook, I noticed as I went further into your story that you contradicted your own writing. In the beginning, you wrote how Jay was so nonchalant about his decision to break up with Carlie, but later on you had tears and you showed that he still cared about her. If he really did care for her, why was he so unemotional and normal about it in the beginning? The behavior doesn't match up, and unless he's faking the tears, you should try to stay consistent with portrayed emotions. If you're trying to make it seem as though he's hiding his feelings, try to portray and express the mood, because as a reader, it felt that he wasn't genuine with his words.
YOUR GRAMMAR: (4/10) You struggled with your punctuation and capitalization with dialogues. If your dialogue is accompanied with a dialogue tag (he said, she yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), the dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue sentence. For example, it doesn't make sense for the clause, "She said," to be a sentence by itself. Therefore, it's part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue should end in a comma to indicate that the sentence isn't complete, and the start of a dialogue tag is not capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. The opposite goes for action tags. If your dialogue is accompanied by an action tag (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action), the action should not be part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue doesn't help the action tag make sense; the action tag should be a sentence by itself. Therefore, the dialogue should end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the start of the action tag should always be capitalized, as it's the start of a new sentence. Of course, the punctuation may vary. Exclamation marks and question marks can end a dialogue regardless of the tag accompanying it, as long as if it's a dialogue tag, the dialogue never ends in a period, and for an action tag, it never ends in a comma.
