BLURB:
Independence! Ryder thought being independent would be fun. He is going to university and has no worry about money.
He is gifted a house by his parents near his campus. Something carefully planned by his sister, in the aim of making him become independent and down to earth. Used to a life of comfort, where he had housekeepers and his mom do everything for him, is his sister's plan not doomed to failure?
He cannot cook! He can't even crack an egg. Well, at least he only knows how to use the microwave. He is not used to doing any of the simple household chores. He doesn't know anything about it.
His life is a fiasco until his mom hires a housekeeper for him.
But what happens when the housekeeper does not turn out to be as expected. How far can a housekeeper change someone's life?
***
YOUR COVER: (8/10) The cover itself does a great job at representing your story genre and title. It is neat and organized. The only thing I'd like to point out is that it doesn't represent only your story. Any author could use the same image to represent their own story. If you ever choose to update your cover, I suggest making it unique to only your story.
YOUR TITLE: (5/10) The title itself is pretty generic. There are a lot of books in your genre that use "Innocent" in the title, and many variations of it, such as this title. I can't exactly see a definite connection between your title and the blurb, and this title could apply to a lot of stories on Wattpad. Of course, you can keep the title as it is, but keep in mind that if you choose to rename it, it should be something specific to only your story (ex: character's name, specific location, symbolic object, etc).
YOUR BLURB: (2/5) The first thing I noticed were your tense slip-ups. When you write, you should write in one tense, whether that is past or present tense. You incorporated both in your blurb, so I suggest keeping your tense consistent when editing it. Additionally, you could shorten down your blurb to expand more on the important details. If I were to edit your blurb and shorten it down (in present tense), it would look like this:
Independence! Ryder thinks independence would be fun, especially since he is attending university and has no reason to worry over his financial state.
When his parents gift him a house near campus, a carefully crafted plan from his sister is set into motion; one with the aim of making him truly independent and down to earth. Used to a life of comfort with his mothers and housekeepers, is his sister's plan not doomed for failure?
With no experience for household chores, his life is a complete fiasco—well, until his mom hires him a housekeeper. But when said housekeeper doesn't turn out as expected, he has to wonder: How far can a housekeeper change someone's life?
YOU ARE READING
Essie's Critiques
Non-FictionAre you an undiscovered writer searching for ways to improve your work and get some recognition? Apply to have your story reviewed here and expect honest feedback, brutal critiques, and to return with a story that can't ever be forgotten. Cover by...