i can't stop remembering...

back home

"I think you should just go back without me," I say to Nick as he brushes his teeth in my room.

He peaks his head around the corner and looks at me like I'm absolutely stupid. "Why would I do that?"

I shrug my shoulders, "It might be what is best for the both of us."

"Addison," he says from the bathroom.

I know it sounds dumb. To separate from each other again, but what if we don't work out. I don't want him to get attached to this baby either. I haven't even decided if I'm keeping him or not. If I don't keep him then I know he will get attached and I'll feel obligated to keep him.

He walks out of the bathroom and sits on the edge of the bed with me, "You'll get attached."

"I'll be fine," he says.

"I don't even know if I want to keep him or not," I say. "You'll get attached either way and I don't want to upset you if I decide to give him up for adoption."

"Addison, we aren't doing this again. I'm not going to spend more time away from you and I'm sure as hell not going to let you go through this pregnancy without me anymore."

"Okay," I whisper.

"I'm going to put your things in the car," he stands up from my bed and then leans down to kiss my forehead, "Try and talk to your mom while I'm gone."

"I will," I say.

He smiles lightly and then grabs a few of my bags. He's going to have to take a couple trips to get it all to the car. He walks out of my room which leaves me all alone.

Doing this whole thing has got to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. I never thought life could get this fucked up, but I was so wrong. My life is such a mess and I don't know how to handle it.

I stand up from my bed and I walk to my door. Nick is right. I need to talk to my mom before we leave. I can't have her hate me. I walk downstairs to all the boys eating food expect for Edwin. He is helping Izzy pack all of her things into the car.

"Hey, Ads," Elom yells. "Want some chips?"

"I'm fine," I say. "Is my mom in her room?"

"I think so," Zion says.

I nod my head and I walk down the hallway to get to her bedroom. I stop at her door and I lightly knock.

"Come in," she says softly.

I walk into her room and I shut the door. She is sitting at her desk, typing away on her computer. "Uh, we are leaving soon."

"You are?" She spins around in her chair, so she can look at me. "I thought you were going to stay here until the baby was born?"

"I want to go back home," I say.

"You don't though," she says. "You said you wanted to stay here. Why would you change your mind?"

"Because I need Nick."

"But you don't need your own mother," she says. "You can be so ungrateful, Addison."

"Mom, I'm trying to be nice right now. I'm trying to do this the right way, so I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible." I sigh, "Nick has been there through it all. When we used to fight he was there. When dad would call me all those things and make me feel so small, he was there. When you used to agree with dad and make me feel like a slut, he was there. You just started being part of my life again, but Nick has never gave up on me. I love you, mom, I really do but I have to go back with him. I need him."