i can't stop remembering...

fortnite

It's been four days since I tried to kill myself. I still haven't been doing the best. I'm always sad and never wanting to eat. I don't sleep, but I'm always so tired.

My life literally feels like it's not moving. I feel like I'm stuck in place. I feel numb. I've never felt this way before and it sucks.

The boys and Izzy have been trying everything they can to cheer me up and make me feel like everything is okay. We all know that nothing is fine, but I still appreciate them trying to help me in anyway possible.

There is a knock on my bedroom door, "Come in!"

The door opens and in walks Edwin. He has a bagel and a glass of orange juice in his hands. They always bring me food in hope I'll eat it, but I never do.

"Good morning," he says.

"Morning," I say.

He sits down on the bed with me, "How are you feeling today?"

"Same old same old," I say.

He sighs and hands me the plate of food and orange juice, "Eat up, loser."

"Not hungry," I say.

"You are never hungry, Ads. You need to eat something though," he says.

"I'll eat it later," I say. I put the plate and cup on my nightstand and I turn back to him, "So what is everyone else doing?"

"Well Nick is still in bed while Izzy and Zion are playing Fortnite." I nod my head lightly, "You should come play. I know you miss kicking Zion's ass."

I smile. I definitely do miss beating him every single time we play. Zion's good, but I always seem to beat him and it pisses him off, "You aren't wrong."

"I know I'm not," he smirks. "How about we go play?"

"I don't know," I say.

"Come on," he says.

I roll my eyes, "Fine, but only for a little bit."

"Yes," he says getting excited. He gets out of my bed and starts to walk to the door, "Do what you have to do and meet me downstairs."

"I will," I say. He opens my door to leave, but I stop him, "Edwin!"

He turns around, "Yea?"

"You owe me one hundred bucks," I say.

"What, why?"

"It's been four months," I say. "And Nick and I haven't fallen in love." I don't know why I'm saying this now, but the whole bet thing just dawned on me.

He rolls his eyes, "Whatever, you win that one, but you will owe me fifty bucks soon."

"Why?" I ask.

"Because the first bet is still going on too and that one doesn't have a time period. You'll fall in love with him one day and you'll owe me fifty."

I laugh lightly, "Whatever you say, Ed. I want my money though."

"You'll have it by tonight." He closes my door and I get out of bed. I put on some sweatpants and an oversized shirt. I honestly don't care what I look like at this point. I'm always a mess.

I walk out of my room which is something I have barley done these last few days. I'm in my room all the time. I use the bathroom in my room, so I have no reason to leave.

I walk into the living room to see everyone besides Nick sitting on our big couch. "Hey," Izzy says.

"Hi, guys," I say. I sit down on the couch next to Zion. He doesn't take his eyes off of the TV though.