i can't stop remembering...

coming around

Arrested is what happened. Almost every single one of them are in jail. Sasha, Rose, and even Addison's father. All of their men are in there too. At least we hope we got all of them.

The only problem we have is that they couldn't find Hardin. He is nowhere to be found. He is still out there and that doesn't sit right with me at all. It drives me insane that he is still out there. There is nothing I can do about it either. I have no idea where he is and none of his people will talk to the cops about it either. He could be anywhere.

Addison isn't doing good at all. I knew it would be this way though. She is traumatized after what happened to her. Being traumatized is normal after what she went through. I knew she would feel this way.

It's not fair to her at all, but I know it's how she feels. She doesn't eat or drink anything. She barley sleeps because she gets nightmares all through the night. She barley talks to me and doesn't talk to anyone else at all. She will only say very few words to me, but she won't say a word to anyone else.

This whole thing is scary as hell. I don't know what to do. It's been four days since everything happened and it still feels like Addison is gone. It feels like she isn't here with me right now even though she is. The Addison here right now is definitely not the same Addison I had before everything happened. I absolutely hate it.

"Nick!"

"Coming," I yell.

I walk out of my bedroom and I walk downstairs to see everyone standing in the living room with their shoes on, "We are leaving," Brandon says.

"Where to?" I ask.

"Center," Izzy says.

"We should be back in like an hour or so," Zion says. "We will bring you guys back food too."

"Okay," I say. "See you guys later."

"Is there anything yet?" Edwin asks.

I shake my head, "Not yet, but I'm really trying. We just have to be patient with her."

"We know," Austin says.

I smile lightly, "I'm going to go check on her. I will see you guys later."

"See ya man," Zion says.

They all walk out of the front door and I walk back to my room. I sit down on my bed and I look at the wall in front of me. I know I said I was going to check on her, but I need a moment to myself before I go in there.

I know she's not going to talk to me. I know she's going to stare at the ceiling and not even look at me once. The only thing I want from her is to hug me. That's all I want, but I know it's not going to happen.

Tears start to fall down my face as I think about it all again. I'll never be able to get all of this out of my head. It'll be with me forever and that makes me want to throw up every where. I don't want to remember any of that shit, but it's never going to go away.

I wish my life was easier than this. I wish I was never involved with gangs or with the dance competition. Sometimes I wish Addison still hated me because then she wouldn't have gone through any of this.

If she still hated me then she would be okay. She would probably still be in New York with Edwin. She would have a loving boyfriend who took good care of her. She would have a good life, but now it's all fucked up.

"Nick," I hear someone whisper.

I know it's her, but I look over at the door super surprised to see her standing there. I feel like she never leaves her room and she doesn't ever talk, but here she is.