i can't stop remembering...

small fish

(Addison's pov)

It's date night with Nick. I'm super excited for it, but nervous at the same time. I'm nervous because this will be the first time leaving the house since everything happened. It's been over a month now, but I'm still not fully healed from everything. I don't think I ever will be. I'm scared that Hardin will be out there somewhere though. It's my biggest fear.

Getting ready is hard for me too. If I'm being honest, looking at myself in the mirror is the hardest thing to do. I can barley look at myself after everything happened. I feel insecure all the time and I feel like I'm not beautiful. Nick tells me all the time that I'm beautiful the way I am, but that's hard to believe now. I still have marks all over me and every time I think of what Hardin did to me, I become disgusted.

"Hi, mamas," I look over at the door to see Nick walk in with a donut and a glass of milk in his hands. I swear the man is always eating his donuts.

"Hi," I say quietly. I continue to do my hair in front of my vanity as he sits down on the bed that is behind me. "I see you have another donut."

"Always," he says as he stuffs his face with it. I playfully roll my eyes as I continue to straighten my hair, "It's weird being in here."

"Why?" I ask.

"Because we are never in your room. We always sleep in my room," he says.

"That's because I feel safer in your room," I say. "And I like the smell of you."

He chuckles, "I know that. I think it's cute that you always want to sleep in my bed."

"I don't even know why I have my own bedroom," I say. "It's not like I use it or anything."

"Only for date nights," he takes another bite of his donut.

I smile, "Yes, only for date nights."

"I'm excited for tonight," he says. "I have good shit planned for us."

"I'm looking forward for it too."

He takes his last bite and then wipes his hands off from the powder. He then gets up and stands behind me, "I know you are scared."

"I'm not," I say.

He frowns, "Don't lie to me, ma. I already told you that we don't have to go out. I'm not trying to push you or anything."

"I know that," I say. "But I want to go out with you. It's been too long."

"But staying in is just as nice," he says as he starts to play with my hair, "I don't care if we stay in."

"I want to," I give him a reassuring smile through the mirror.

"Okay," he says. He leans down and kisses the top of my head, "I'm going to get ready. I'll be back."

"Okay."

***

I walk downstairs in my black dress and red heels. My dress isn't tight or anything and it's longer than usual. I just don't feel comfortable wearing any of my other things. Everything has definitely changed me in so many ways. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing either.

"Look at you," Izzy yells.

I smile, "Does it look okay? I haven't wore this dress in years."

"You look stunning," she says. "I forgot what you looked like in a dress and heels. It's been so long since any of us have done anything."

"I know," I say. "But tonight is the first night for me."

I sit down on the couch next to her, "Are you nervous?"