i can't stop remembering...

he can't be

I've been at the hospital for a few hours now. I haven't found anything out yet. The lady at the front desk is really pissing me off. She says she can't tell me any information which is absolute bullshit. How can she not tell me that?

I have been a mess ever since Nick called me. I can't stop crying and I've had two panic attacks in the bathroom already. I've thrown up four times and I have a pounding headache from all of the crying.

"Addison," Zion says. "Come sit."

Everyone else came along to the hospital because they all kept texting and calling me. I figured it would be nice to have people with me, so I told them what was going on.

"I can't," I say. I've been pacing back and forth forever now. I can't just sit down and be calm.

"You're going to have another attack," Edwin says calmly, "Just come sit down."

"Okay," I say. I sit down next to Zion and he wraps his arm around my shoulder. I lay my head on his shoulder and I start bouncing my leg up and down super fast. I do this all the time when I get anxious.

"Addison," Zion says. "Stop bouncing."

"I can't," I say.

"Okay, sorry," he whispers.

I sigh, "Don't apologize." We sit in silence for a few minutes until I decide to speak up, "The last thing we talked about was about us splitting up. He doesn't think I love or trust him, so he walked out to clear his mind. This is all my fault."

"None of this is your fault," Zion says. "You didn't know that he was going to get hit. You didn't know anything. Blaming yourself just makes everything worse."

"He can't die," I say. "His last memory can't be of us fighting. It can't be that."

"He's not going to die," he says.

"What if he does?" I ask. "That will be his last memory of me."

"No, it won't," he says. "He called you before anything happened. He told you that he loved you."

"That's not the same," I say. "I couldn't even tell him in person."

"I know, I know."

"Are you guys here for Nick Mara?" I look up to see a doctor standing right in front of me. Holy shit. I didn't think they would ever come.

I stand up quickly, "We are."

"He just got out of surgery," she says. "There were a few complications during the surgery, but he is still alive. He is in ICU as of right now."

"How bad is he?" I ask.

"He's not good," she says. "He had a brain bleed that we fixed during surgery. He has multiple broken bones and his kidneys started failing during the surgery."

"What does that all mean?" I ask.

"The brain bleed may cause him to never wake up again," she says. "We fixed it in surgery, but we can't tell yet if it was successful or not. His broken bones are being fixed with casts and splints. As for the kidneys we are keeping a close eye on them. If they get any worse we will have to give him a kidney transplant, but he will have to wait on the list for quite some time."

"Can I see him?" I ask.

"Unfortunately you can't," she says. "Since his conditions are so bad we don't allow visitors."

"When can I see him?"

"Whenever he leaves the ICU," she says. "It's hard to tell when that will be. We are hoping within the next week we can send him to a patient room."