i can't stop remembering...

sasha

"I'm going to fail again!" I yell.

"Calm down," Nick says, "You are going to be fine. You know what you are doing."

"I thought I knew what I was doing last time, but I clearly didn't," I say. "I failed so bad."

"But that was last time," he says, "This is right now. You need to focus on this moment. Not the past."

"You are right," I say.

The door opens and Edwin walks in with a box of donuts and a jug of milk, "It's test day! Let's get lit bitches!"

I chuckle, "You are so extra."

He puts the food down on the table and the three of us sit down. We start to eat it and Edwin says, "You are so lucky I'm awake right now. I'm never up this damn early."

"Me either," Nick says.

I take a bite of my donut, "I don't understand why they made it so early. I could still be sleeping right now."

"I was going to invite Mr boyfriend, but I figured he would just make you more nervous," Edwin says.

Nick looks up at me, "Boyfriend?"

"Uh, yea," I say. "Hardin asked me to be his girlfriend on Sunday."

He nods his head lightly and looks down at the table, "Oh, why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know," I say, "I didn't think it was that big of a deal."

"You told Edwin."

"Well I figured he would tell you right away anyways," I say.

He nods his head again and then takes another bite of his donut. He doesn't look very happy. He's probably just mad that I never told him.

This is why I didn't want to tell him though. I knew that he would get all mad and not talk to me. Sometimes I really wish that Edwin would just keep his mouth shut.

"Well anyways," Edwin says, "Are you nervous?"

"Very," I say, "I can't fail this shit again or I'll get cut from the program."

"Do you really think they will do that?" Edwin asks.

"Probably," I say, "It wouldn't surprise me at all. This is Juilliard we are talking about."

"True," Edwin says.

I stand up from the table, "I want to be there early, so I should probably head out."

"Okay," Edwin says. They both stand up from the table and I start to gather around my things. "Just make sure to breathe and stay calm."

I smile and I put my bag on my back, "I know."

Edwin leans in for a hug and I quickly hug him back. It feels good to hug him. Hugs are what I need right in this moment.

He pulls away and starts to clean up the table a bit. Nick walks over to me, "You'll do great."

I smile, "Thank you." He nods his head and wraps me in a tight hug. I hold him tighter than ever before. I legit feel like crying right here right now.

"Now go kick some ass," he says and then let's go of me.

I chuckle, "Most definitely." I start to walk to the door, "Bye losers."

"Good luck!" They both yell.

"Thank you," I say. I walk out the door and I let out the biggest sigh ever. I feel like I've been holding that in forever.