i can't stop remembering...

hi beautiful...

"We are running the DNA test right now," the officer says to Nick and I. "It should be back within the next twenty four hours."

Nick and I are sitting at the table right now talking to a police officer about Ashton. It's super quiet because nobody is here except for the three of us. It's quite odd.

The police found a piece of gum in Ashton's room. It was in his closet. We are hoping that the gum belongs to whoever took him. We will be able to find out through a DNA test.

They believe that whoever took Ashton was hiding in his closet for awhile now. It makes sense if the person was in his closet. We don't use the closet yet. He's too little for us to use it now, but they think he was waiting for the perfect moment to take him. That perfect moment happened to be when barley anyone was home.

"That should tell us who it is then, right?" I ask.

"Yes," he says. "Unless it ends up being DNA from someone else that already lives here."

"What if that is the case?" I ask.

"Then we will need to find another source of evidence to try and figure it out," he says. "We just need to see first what this piece of DNA tells us."

"Okay," Nick says. "But how do you guys figure out where this person is? You have no trace of anything."

"We will look at the DNA first and go from there. I'm sorry that it's such a slow process. I know that none of this is easy for you guys."

"Yea," I say. I stand up from my chair, "Excuse me for a second?"

He nods his head and I walk away to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and I start to breathe super fast. I lean over the toilet and I throw everything up. I feel like I've needed to do this for days now, but I just never did it.

The door opens and my hair is pulled back as I continue to throw up into the toilet. I throw up for about another minute and then I wipe my mouth.

I turn around and I wrap my arms tight around Nick's body. It's random, but I need to hug him. I need to be in his arms. He is the only person that can make me feel safe and okay. I need him.

He doesn't say anything as we stand in the small bathroom. He just holds me so tight and he doesn't let go.

He knows it's what I need.

***

We don't sleep at night. I mean, how could we? How could we sleep at night when our baby boy isn't here? He's gone and who knows where. He could be halfway across the country by now.

"They should be here soon," Nick says to me.

"Okay," I say. I get out of bed and I slip on a pair of shorts, keeping Nick's sweatshirt on.

"After this I think you should get some sleep."

"And what about you?" I ask. "You haven't slept either."

"I know, but you worry me. You need to sleep."

"You worry me too," I say. "You need to sleep just as much as I do."

"Then we can sleep together?"

"I don't think I will be able to," I say. "It's not that simple."

"You need to," he says.

"I know," I says quietly.

"Addison! Nick!" Brandon yells from downstairs, "They are here!"

"If they didn't figure something out I might flip my shit on them," I say.