Ok so I'm typing this at school and won't be able to post till I get home but thank you to the couple of people who messaged me or commented, you have no idea how much that means to me. I know I just need to keep pushing forward, but somedays I just breakdown from all the stress and pressure I'm under. I'm not gonna lie I'm still pretty dysphoric, but I'm doing a lot better, sleep does that. So Dylan texted me today (ikr! its a fucking mirical I didn't have to text him first. Ok to be fair I did try to text him a few unsuccessful times before but still!) and I found out one of the schools he wants to transfer to is UC Santa Cruz as well, I think the gods are trying to tell me something here.
-----
Ok so I'm in the doctors now ready to throttle everyone calling me Katharine so I'm just playing vita while I wait to get the hell out of here and go to kickboxing. I wonder what all the nurses around here think when they see me while knowing whats in my pants. Probably dyke. On the plus side I've grown, 5ft 4 1/4in now. According to my docter she thought I wasn't going yo get past 5' 2" when I was a kid and really should have stopped growing around 5' 3 1/2" so thats good news right? I'm still growing despite statistics so maybe I'll be lucky and make it past 5' 6". She gave me the whole well your taller than 50% of women speech, like thats supposed to make me feel better. Honestly I'm one of the shortest people I'm friends with, does that mean she's lying or am I just surrounded by giants? Or maybe it's cuz I slouch and act all timid. Who knows. It was also kinda funny when the nurse came up to me and said my headphones were cool and asked me if I was a gamer, I said yes and she said that it made sense then. That made me smile.
-----
So kickboxing was great. I mean I suck and it was kinda awkward/ distracting/hilarious cuz there were these popular chs girls in the back who took off their gloves and ran out of juice somewhere around half way through I'm guessing (though it's not like I was doing so well myself). I also set up my ps4 in my parents bedroom with their much nicer tv, huzzah! And lemme tell you the graphics look AMAZING! I think all my depression was stemming from a lack of activity. Anyway I feel a shit ton better after kickboxing and running a bit over a mile so I'm gonna sleep now. Thanks for all of you out there reading this a rooting for me, it means the universe to me.
YOU ARE READING
Confusion, FtM journal
РазноеI cut my hair short cuz I wanted it to be like a guys. But everyone still told me I looked pretty. I bought a binder only for cosplay. I ended up wearing it every day. I am a boy. So why does everyone see a girl...
