Everyone teases me about my hight. And I mean everyone. I'm not even 5ft 4in, almost but not yet, added on with the fact that I slouch all the time. I try to stand and sit up straight, but I can't hold that position for too long and when I do my back hurts like hell. Which is really bad considering my mom had minor scoliosis, so I'm at risk of developing it. But back to being short. Look I don't normally give a shit that I'm small, laugh it off make it a joke and everything's fine. Being small means being able to fit into small places and being underestimated, that's always a good thing. No, it's specifically being short that bugs me, I mean I'm not necessarily too short I just seem to make friends with tall people, no it's the short thing that bugs me. I'm always gonna be looked down on, I mean my sister is almost as tall as me and still growing, she's 3yrs below me too. I stopped growing as well, everyone keeps saying I'm still growing but I'm not, I would have noticed. It's not like I want to tower everyone, just maybe an average hight would be nice, enough to feel like a normal teenage boy who's at leas taller than his mom, not shorter by a fair amount. My mom used to joke about not allowing me to grow taller by putting a brick on my head, for a while I grew really fast and I thought I was gonna catch up to people or be taller than most, but the jokes have stopped and I get the "stop slouching you're sister looks taller than you". I'm just tiered of how I look physically, I'm short, my cheeks too round, boobs too big, large ass hips that only seem to get bigger on my period, small little child's hands. Everything about me except for my feminine features is small, and I hate it. I hate being called short, I've been called it all my life, always been stuck on my tipy toes still unable to see anything. I can take T to fix my voice, stop periods, get facial hair. And there is surgery for the other things like my chest. But nothing can fix my height problem. Everyone sees me as a child because of chubby cheeks and my short stature, so why not act like one? It makes it easier for both me and the people around me. Oh ya, my chest had been getting pains like someones stabbing it now and then. I wonder if it's from my binder, I doubt it since the thing is so stretched out. And I think it's been a week since I had to resort to ace bandages for a couple hours, so that doesn't seem like a likely cause. But what else could it be really? Whatever, I'm not leaving this house with visible boobs willingly, so no way in hell am I ditching the binder or my back up bandage. I guess thats all I really wanted to talk about today, my height. Like, I'm fine with it most times until people start using it in the "haha I'm better than you" way, which seems to be happening a lot lately. It's the whole "Ha ha, you're so short that makes you inferior to everyone". Whatever, I'm gonna go now.
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Confusion, FtM journal
RandomI cut my hair short cuz I wanted it to be like a guys. But everyone still told me I looked pretty. I bought a binder only for cosplay. I ended up wearing it every day. I am a boy. So why does everyone see a girl...
