17 November 2014

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I have a place to stay (or should I say 2), should I go to Cabrillo next year. It's the JC in Santa Cruz and feeder school up to UCSC, and is looking more and more likely. Only issue I was having with going there was the commute and still living with parents, that was a big issue. But alas there is a solution, my Aunt as well as m Anty Grandma have offered to let me use a room should I go. Yay, no commute and less of my bitch of a mother. So there's that, also can I just continue to say how much I love Vaas from Far Cry 3? Like fucking hell he's one of those characters that I just can't get enough of. Anyway, whats been going on with me? Well I'm working on my confidence levels, thought they still aren't high enough to stand up and yell at Rostin for making a stupid ass homophobic comment in class Friday. Yup, that was lovely. But I actually didn't have to do jack shit seeing as Ms. Gremlin (it's actually Grummon but I'm gonna keep saying Gremlin cuz that's wut I think every time I hear her name) stepped up and proceeded to yell at him and chew him out then lectured the class as to why saying things like that weren't ok. I love Ms. Gremlin. So ya, working on that. I'm also trying to work on my intelligence levels which only seems to be dropping as well as my physical fitness which has deteriorated over the past couple years. I wanna get strong and smart, learn how to figh, be able to hold my own. It's been a while since I could do anything remotly like that, although you could argue I never had such skills in the first place. Also whatever I whent through yesterday had to do way more that just my man period. I got a shit hedache, felt nautious like I was gonna hurl at any moment, and thought I was gonna pass out eventualy. Oh and did I mention parts of my body like my hands and feet whent ice cold and couldn't stay warm for shit? Ya, don't know what it was but I'm alot better now. Oh ya my grandma's been here for like the past week which sucks ass, look I loved the little old lady when I was a kid sure, but I also loved my mom to death back then and we can see how far to shit that's gone. My grandma is like my mom (I mean my mom had to learn from someone right?) except with religion all piled on top. Yes I used to get lectures a bit back when I started binding on why do you do this to you're body when God gave you a beautiful and capable body to use. Needless to say my family kinda, no REALLY, ignores my being agnostic. I get drug to church in nice sweaters as a compromise of me refusing to wear a dress. Next time I'm gonna wear my button up shirt and a tie, try introducing me as your (gran)daughtughter then. Fucking hell I don't even wanna think about what when through their heads as they saw my piece about being trans* and people ignoring me at the art show, I mean I planned for my mom not my grandma, luckaly they haven't brought it up. My grandma only brought up one piece, and it's the one I knew they would say they liked and would be the one they approved of. It was a small little colorful one with colorful shapes around a purple eye. Most my art thought they see as 'dark' and keep pestering me about it, needless to say most my art doesn't go up at shows otherwise they'd be sending me to a mental institute. Ok that's overexaggerating, but if I could draw everything I wanted to they might. And all my pieces that night would be considered 'dark', had piercings and tattoos, or involved my being transgender but the one my grandma liked, go figure. It was nerve wracking though, both thinking about my family seeing the pieces (why I intentionaly avoided them and dissapeared, "INVISIBOY STRIKES AGAIN!") and seeing Domanic and Abby look at them. Seeing them read what was writen and them shifting awkwardly as they did so, I couldn't tell what they thought. I didn't know if Dom thought I was messed up or what but we got to talking like normal. We did talk about one of my pieces thou, the one I did kinda of myself in the future (though nobody really knows it, y'know minus my sis), he said it looked like a character that would fit into RWBY well and be one of the students there, that made me really happy. It's odd, being around friends not in the LGBTQ+ community, I mean some know about me and they offer to support me and talk about it but it gets kinda awkward and such. Idk, all I know is Dom's got my back, even if he does end up thinking I'm a twisted bastard (which I am). But ya, I also have been thinking about wanting to make a video game based on my life. Not to become famous, not to make a profit, to show my side of the story, how I view things. I want to show my perspective of my life and the events in it, no matter how skewed it may be, I wanna communicate my feelings through a deep and meaningful medium that expresses me, so what better an art form than video games. Anywhore, I should get going about now, my comic is progressing slowly for those of you who wish to know (stupid legs and high heels) and my activity may be limmited on this journal the coming few months due to a busy schedual and an actual need to restrict intersnet activity (yay! I get to work on self controll! *sarcasum* I really need to work on that thou). So seeya guys till next time. :P

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