Oh looky here, 3 posts in one day, well I have nothing better to do. I mean I do but... Anyway tell me whats the point of living if you can never have what you truly want. Not like oh boo hoo I'll never get to do a simple trivial short term goal. No I mean like that kid who only wanted to play professional sports gets paralyzed from the waist down. Think of that one dream you want so bad you would do anything for it, now imagine there is no way possible for it to come true. Whats the point? I'm never going to get what I want, its not possible, all the things I've ever wanted are not within my reach. I'm too short (hah! get the joke I did there). Seriously though, in who I am and want to be vs who people see me as and who I'm going end up being, the latter is gonna win. Essentially my life has just been one big fuck you. I mean you can't win the game unless you play, and I've broken so many rules and have gotten dragged down so far I may as well just forfeit. I'm just sick of all this, the pretending, but if I don't it's to the white padded cell for me and that is far worse than death. I don't have the strength to go through getting caught and dealing with that system, I'm barely holding on as it is. Who knows maybe tomorrow it will all be over and they'll find some girls body lying in the highway tomorrow, I'll bet they'll pin it on stress with school and her just being fucked up. I need to get some sleep.
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Confusion, FtM journal
AcakI cut my hair short cuz I wanted it to be like a guys. But everyone still told me I looked pretty. I bought a binder only for cosplay. I ended up wearing it every day. I am a boy. So why does everyone see a girl...
