That is IT! I am DONE with Diana! I send a long ass apology to her explaining why I was pissed in the first place get no responce, then text Helen to figure out what happened there only to find out that Diana got mad at Helen for simply trying to explain what was going on! I am SO SORRY Helen fro dragging you into this. Funny how people you thought you loved you end up hating and vice versa. I'm just so sick of people treating me being trans* like its some faze or joke, and I am so sorry to the people who have been supportive and I've blown up on or unnecessarily dragged into things. Everything is crumbling again, my mom's snapped, my family is shit, I doubt some of my teachers took my email seriously, and things are simply turning to shit. I can't even describe some of the shit I'm going through right now and its taking a big toll on me, so to my friends and those I speak to on a regular basis I think the best course of action would be to stay away for a bit while I collect my thoughts and cool down. I find it funny how people think I can't get angry, for a while there they were right cuz I buried it so deep below with other emotions, but now all the anger from over the years is bubbling to the surface making me implode with the tinniest spark. It's like all the buriers I set up a while ago are breaking down now that I've stopped reinforcing them, and it's gonna take a while for me to adjust to having some of these emotions back. Good news: hopefully this means I'll start sticking up for myself again and stop letting people walk all over me. Ba news: my tempers gotten me into some deep shit and right now I'm lashing out at just about anyone and anything cuz I'm not used to being pissed. To think the thing that probably set it all off was just some simple laughter. Hahaha, funny right? Damn I hope I get over this pissed faze soon, but that means dealing with Diana which is kinda hard while I'm laying in bed sick. Regardless I'm gonna fix this. And if you don't have anything to do with my current issue, unless your Diana you shouldn't, do us all a favor and stay the fuck away so I don't do something stupid k? K. I just need some time alone to be honest, thats how I remained level headed in the past, and currently I barely get any REALL alone time. The only alone time I've had has been achieved out of routine and I didn't gain anything out of it since it wasn't needed i my numbed state. Now that I'm starting to get hot headed again and more emotional that means I'm gonna need to take a lot more 'breaks'. Meaning I may drop out of a conversation suddenly or just sit in a corner for hours on end just staring into space. Yay dropping off the face of the earth. Ya I know I do it now, but trust me it's different from what I used to do, its just... hard to explain. So again I mean no offense to the people I care about, it's just the way I am. Well I'm gonna go to bed now, till next time?
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Confusion, FtM journal
RandomI cut my hair short cuz I wanted it to be like a guys. But everyone still told me I looked pretty. I bought a binder only for cosplay. I ended up wearing it every day. I am a boy. So why does everyone see a girl...
