Just *sigh* ok so I've gotten back home and just, can I not... just no I can't wait to leave this whole fucking area, just leaving all this shit behind. I love some of the things here true, I have my freinds and... ya thats about it, but even then it's just a bad mix. Ilsa is dealing with stuff and I am just trying not to say the wrong thing and be there for her. Then Diana I can't evend comprehend anymore, last night I was prety fucking sure she started cudling with me but next think I know I'm getting told that I was kinda just graduly laying on top of her, whoops, I just *sigh* maybe I just imagined it I doubt it but who knows anymore. Then there is Dylan who I love hanging out with and get along with well but hardly get to see him or even talk to him, the most I've been able to see him for years has been in the past couple of weeks. The Family situation is just shit. There is so much fucking drama and I want nome of it, I just want to have 2 seconds of normal. Just a normal body, normal mind, normal relationship, normal friends, normal family normal life, just for 2 seconds please. Not even normal, just drama free just a few seconds of real happiness that arn't followed by severe depresion. So now I drown my petty sorrows in childrens cartoons and videogames untill I go to YAC instead of studying for my midterm on thrursday. Sigh, but watching Generator Rex right now is actualy just depressing me more, they all have a family, a place they belong. Sure Rex lost all his memory and doesnt have any family oursde of his brother left and theres alot of shitty stuff that hapens to the charaters, but they all have people who they care about, who they can rely apon, with me I have friends who are like family but they have there own issues and I can't just rely apon them like that... I wish I could but I can't. Ilsa is there but then the next second she isn't, Diana I just can't even begin to understand, Helen is there but she has her defences up high even though it doesnt seem like it, it's just I'm freinds with people who have gotten hurt BAD in the past and they don't trust they can't just like me. I just want to have people I can rely on and laugh it out with, people who get me and can see through the lies that I use to protect myself for one of a better word, like Rex's old gang in Generator Rex. They arn't exactly the best off but they have eachother (not to mention cool powers :P). What can I say I'm addicted to theif and rogue groups that stick together and have eachothers backs, it's a dream that can never come true unfortunatly. So yup, I'm gonna get back to my show now, so seeya.
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Confusion, FtM journal
РазноеI cut my hair short cuz I wanted it to be like a guys. But everyone still told me I looked pretty. I bought a binder only for cosplay. I ended up wearing it every day. I am a boy. So why does everyone see a girl...
