I'ts 1:10 right now and I'm doing everything in my power not to fall asleep. I'm pulling an all nighter just so I don't have to be around my mom in the morning and hopefuly get some work done. Things have only gotten worse since I last wrote. So when I got home yesterday I noticed that my consoles and games were gone, as in gone gone, unplugged and taken away. I searched my parents room this morning while they were gone and nothing, shit, this means all my stuff is at my dad's office probably. This also means they litteraly just stole all my shit. Ok a phone I get, but I worked for and earned that PS3, the fuck are they to go off and take it, confenscate the tv which isn't mine but not the consoles that I saved up my money to go off and buy. Oh also my mom tried taking away my sketchbook cuz of a drawing she didn't like that she saw, yup now aparently words like 'bitch' aren't even allowed in my sketchbook. That was the one thing I wasn't going to let go of, I can calm myself with her taking alot of things, I have ways around it, but my sketchbooks, those you better pry off my cold dead body if you wanna get away with it, and even then I will haunt your ass and make sure terrible shit hapens to you. Nobody fucks with my art, thats the line I draw. Tech is replaceable, my art is not. Anyway I was copying this sketch over to my pad of bristol bord when she saw it and fliped her shit, she grabbed my sketchbook and tried ripping it away but I stood by ground and got it back, but the cover is now torn. Then I was late to school again this morning and when I left the house my mom sped off in her van AGAIN, and all I could think was oh gods not this bullshit agian, but thankfully I didn't see her the whole walk up but who knows, my mom can be creepy as fuck. Anyway when I got to school aparently my mom had called the school not to earlier, what about I can only guess. I was in such an emotionaly fucked up state in 1st period that Ms. Grummon (I always say Ms. Gremlen on accident 0-0) asked me if i needed to go see Kate Miller the school counsilor a couple of times. Then 5th period Ms. Mettler asked me if she should be worried about me and if I don't get my grade up to passing in ERWC then I'll have to drop the class and have another yr of highschool. So that was fun, but school was honestly the best part of my day, which is saying something when I hate that school's guts and my academic carrier is going to shit. I was so close to YAC after school today, like I could have walked from where I had been with my mother, but she refused to let me go which sent me over the edge again. I was even gonna swallow my pride and appologize to her if she took me to YAC, but she decided to go off on her little rant of why I don't deserve to go to YAC and that it's just an extracuricular. So I blew up on her, well not right away, more like when she said something about her daughter being this or that. So I yelled at her something about being her son. Ya, didn't go over too well. Instead I got her famouse rant about how she loves and accepts me and that I'm just angry at myself and confused. She pinned everything on me. And it almost worked, I almost fell victem to her 'your the bad guy not me' tactic like I did for so many years. I was so messed up inside after that argument, going to the library and seeing an old All Saint's classmate didn't help either. Oh ya and when I was walking home yesterday (ya sorry bout the jump back in time) some lady yelled at me while I was walking home "Could you walk any slower!", not exactly helpful in my emotional state. Fucking hell I need to get to YAC tomorrow, I'm gonna see about using the bus but I've never ridden it before, and I'll have nothing I can use to communicate if I get lost. But hey I'll figure something out right? Hopefuly Paige is going to YAC tomorrow so I can ride the bus with her. So ya, I'm gonna be so tiered during class tomorrow, but what they hell, beats getting yelled at by the wicked bitch of the west agian. I did get some art stuff done at the library thou, and now have 4 colored pieces done, so thats a good thing. Damn, it's only like 1:40 now, I should be using this time to work on Engilsh but I'm not, fuck I should go and work on that shouldn't I? I mean I got about... 4hrs to spare before I gotta get dressed and the hell outa here. Might as well use it. Well fuck, that means I gota got...
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Ok ok going now, seeya.
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Confusion, FtM journal
De TodoI cut my hair short cuz I wanted it to be like a guys. But everyone still told me I looked pretty. I bought a binder only for cosplay. I ended up wearing it every day. I am a boy. So why does everyone see a girl...
