Hey guys, well I'm still sick and still pissed. Though despite all the shit I actually feel better that I have in a long time. I feel less dead maybe? I don't know, all I know is I'm pushing people away again. That's fine, I don't see the point of interacting with people anyway, I don't know how to respond to their daily shanagins. All the emotions and reactions I have I learned through TV, comics, cartoons, games, and watching other people. I'm not human, I don't have that magical ability to carry a conversation with a stranger or being able to comfort someone even if I've known them for years, all I get is stupid empathy. Yippe I get to feel others pain and not be able to do anything about it! Sigh, jus forget it. Guh I wish I was stronger, able to do something with my life. All the characters I relate to in any form of media I can only relate to mentally cuz physically there all badass while I cant even hold a fucking sword or throw a stupid punch. I got first in riflery ay camp though, that counts for something right? Oh wait, it was first in GIRLS and I currently suck dick at shooting a gun bow and arrow or anything else requiring aim. That's right I suck. I can't even fucking code! The one thing I even aspire to be is something I SUCK AT! Man, maybe I should just give up. I just wish I was like Heine from Dogs Bullets and Carnage, Robin Red Hood or DeathStroke from DC comics, Link from if you dont know go look it the fuck up, Murtagh from Eragon, pretty much any Matrix character, Neku or Joshua from Tthe World Ends With You, Eugene or Delson from Infamous, Noiz from DRAMAtical Murder, and just so many more. I wish I could be as strong as they are, but I'm a lazy bum. But I'm gonna work on it, turn everything upside down and go for it. And if that means crushing a few friendships along the way so be it. I'm not worried though, people who are truly friends will stick around no matter how much I yell at them, doesn't mean I not concerned about some of the stupid remarks I'm gonna make. I always was a hot headed little kid who didn't know how to keep his mouth shut, then I learned and became numb and mute, damn is it gonna be interesting if I actually revert back to kid who would crush anyone who got in his path. We'll I better work on it, till next post.
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Confusion, FtM journal
RandomI cut my hair short cuz I wanted it to be like a guys. But everyone still told me I looked pretty. I bought a binder only for cosplay. I ended up wearing it every day. I am a boy. So why does everyone see a girl...
