Confusion, FtM journal

Augest 31, 2014

Guh, it's not fair. It's not fair how other trans* guys I've talked to have already gotten top surgery, while I'm stuck with a crazy mother who now says she wants to rename me Switch. Yes, my mother has officially lost it. This all came about around an hour ago when I was watching the Matrix and commenting on how I loved the character Switch cuz I thought she looked the coolest. I mean come on everyone is wearing black clothing and has relatively dark hair and then theres Switch with her snow white hair and white outfit, she's just the coolest. So my mom made a comment of how them maybe my name should be Switch then, and goes on about how I'm switching or some shit and yada yada yada and brings up how she hates the name Conner and how I said I would let them choose a name. At first I thought she was joking, but she kept bringing it up and said she was going to talk to my dad about it, I think she might be serious. So ya, my name might end up being Switch. I mean I'm cool with that, it's a cool name and all, just the reasons why my mom might wanna name me that kinda scare me. Regardless she's making progress.... kinda... not really. I think she's just starting to understand that I'm serious and that she might loose her kid if she keeps on the path she had been going. But it's probly aways away from T let alone top surgery, although that could change depending on if and when my mom gets a councilor and if there a good one. So who knows, I honestly am not sure whats going to happen to me within the next year, things could all go to shit like I originally thought or they could go some warped twisted path which terrifies the shit out of me. I know I don't get a happily ever after, even as a kid I understood that much, but hey doesn't mean I can't make the best out of this shit life right? Sight well I better go, I have homework to do and a sore throat to fend off.