Hey I'm back, and I'm not doing well. Last night really took a toll on me, and I'm now behind in school cuz I couldn't get my work done after that. Then I woke up this morning really sore as if all of her words translated into physical pain overnight. So I get up late and drag myself to get ready for school just feeling so raw and broken, but believe it or not last night wasn't the end of it. I get in the car and wait for my sister with my mom who says she needs to talk to me. So she actually starts off apologizing for last night, but then on the car ride to school things just escalate. She talks about how I'm pushing them too much and how as a teenager I'm bulldozing through things. Geeze, I've had to stop and start cuz of them and I told her that but I guess she didn't believe me. The other thing that peeved me was when I said I'm sorry I know its hard on you but its really hard on me too, and she just said I know that I've seen you. Like hell, if she even knew or understood this would be a very different story. So now I'm finally gonna get therapy, although it sounds like it's going to be more of a group therapy type thing which I really hope it's not and that they look for one who knows their shit about trans* people. Anyway right before I got dropped off something set me off to say I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry if I did something wrong but I actually felt happy at school for once. I started crying, like full on crying too, right before I got on campus. While I was crying she said something like well then you did the right thing. I hate her so much, I was fucking upset until break with the first meeting of the Magic the Gathering club to which I'm now treasurer. Well at least one good thing came out of this horrible day, I now have my mom seriously talking about getting me a councilor, I just wish she would stop saying it like it is a bad thing. But ya, so before all this happened last night I was texting Sam, he's a really cool guy I hope I get to meet him one day. Also I got to briefly see where my Uncle Ryan works before we came to the Giants game where I'm at now. It just made me want to work in tech even more, ya I know its cubicles and shit but I just felt like I belonged there, like I knew thats where I was going. Anywho game's starting soon so I better go, see y'all next post (haha I just pulled a Travis).
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Confusion, FtM journal
RandomI cut my hair short cuz I wanted it to be like a guys. But everyone still told me I looked pretty. I bought a binder only for cosplay. I ended up wearing it every day. I am a boy. So why does everyone see a girl...
