So I don't forget again

Entry 162: Nero Hill

It just drifts through the air high above. The Rito's Divine Beast. At first I thought it was after affects of the storm, but it's still so windy here. Kass told me it has been like this since Vah Medoh had truly awoken recently.

I wonder why all the Divine Beasts have only awoken recently. Looking back even if I didn't directly write it, it's still heavily implied that the Divine Beasts rampages are more so recent events, if they were like this a hundred years ago surely all of Hyrule would have been destroyed by now.

Why now... now that I've awoken.

Did they because I woke up and started attacking now?

It's roar carried on through the air, echoing through the whole land.

There are now some flying guardians on the road so Kass, Bossa Nova and I are making our way to the village from the tops of cliffs.

There's a shrine up there that's surrounded by ruins. She was trying to get in, despite it being made for me she wanted to get in for some reason. When she realized I was with her she was angered, saying she didn't need me. Seems like the King ordered me to follow and protect her. Despite her protests I followed her anyway.

All the pictures that were already in the slate, I've now visited all their locations.

I don't like this. That I can't remember anything else. Only others. I wonder how I was so trained to follow orders and not consider others feelings. Why are my memories so fragmented? Why is it that I can't remember anything without some trigger?

I just... thought of something crazy.

What if... I'm not Link. I'm not the same person as from a hundred years ago, but a copy of him. He died and I was made as his replacement. That would explain why I don't have his memories! How I can only gain them from heavy coaxing! It's all just fake. That could also explain my healing, it's because I'm not a person but some Sheikah machine! The Shikah have done impossible things like the storm and arrows and sun, so could they make something like a person? That would explain why I'm so different from him! Why he just follows orders and I do, but...

What if I can't find the Master Sword because I'm not him

Ise veryo ne goingto die because ican t savethe m what if I nevercou ld

Kass found me panicking. He managed to calm me down and got me to slow down and breath, and not think for a moment. Kass listened to everything I had to say. About how I've always doubted my memories, how they are only of others and never myself, how only these pictures and things closely associated the champions called any memories from me. Just... all my fears about myself. All my doubts, even wondering who I was in the past. I just... feel so much more lost and confused than ever. I know I am who I am now, but... what if I'm so different from then I can't be the same hero, I can't get the Master Sword and all of this, every thing I've done is for nothing. They'll all die because I'm not good enough.

Kass asked me how I remember things. Not from the past but now. He held my journal close and asked how I met Sidon. When I told him he then asked how I remember using weapons. When I told him I don't remember and I just do it, he picked up his accordion and began to play. He told me something similar happens to him with his playing. He then told me that during his trip back home his wife reminded him of something. It was when they were children, she had lost her favorite doll so Kass had spent all day finding it for her and came back covered in mud getting a laugh from her. Kass had completely forgotten about it till he came in on Amali doing some cleaning and saw her with the doll in hand before laughing and recounting the tale. We also looked through my journal together and found evidence that I probably did live through that time, like how I have old scars and my dream in Gerudo town was likely a memory. Kass told me that my worries about truly being who I am are valid concerns, and that it is okay to worry about, even dwell on it, but I can take comfort in the knowledge that it doesn't change the present, now, the relationships I've made with everyone and all the accomplishments I've made on my journey, all the help I've given and good I've done. Even if I am not the hero, I still appeased the Beasts, I have made a difference in so many lives.

It was nice.

I just... I still don't know who I am.

Anyway, after finding the memory we crossed some more cliffs and stumbled across a great fairy fountain. She offered to make my clothing stronger. I asked her if she could repair clothing. When she said yes, I asked her if she could teach me how to sew so I could make boots for Bossa Nova. The fairy laughed, grabbed me, and dragged me into her pool. I woke up out of breath. The fairy told me I was a great student and as a reward she made my armor better. I don't remember learning anything from her, but... I just know some new stitches now. I... really don't like how my memory is.

We did a lot of climbing and got to the new tower. There's more of the dark sludge stuff. Surrounding it and climbing up the tower.

We could see the village from the tower, and just how close Vah Medoh is to it. I asked Kass if he knew anything about the beast, of how I could get close. He doesn't know a thing, all he knows is that if you get too close, you get shot. Hopefully we can find information in the village.

Why do I always do this? I just get tripped up on something and I spiral into these drowning dark thoughts. I feel go guilty. What if I've been lying this whole time? I don't think I'm a copy but now with the possibility I... and Kass has just been so kind, listening to everything I have to say.

I just wish I could stop this, just live and not keep getting stuck in this. It seems like at this point I'm looking for ways to make myself sad and feel awful. I hate this.

Bossa Nova fell asleep on my chest, his being here and Kass too has really helped me keep from just losing it today. Hopefully with some sleep I can get a fresh start tomorrow. Just try to forget about my panic today.