So I don't forget again

Entry 172: Pikida Stonegrove

I really tried today, but... nothing.

I wonder if my memory loss is related to the Revitalizing chamber. The place just healed me, right? So how or why did it also take away my memories? Are my memories going missing related to my healing? Like the more I heal, the more memories I lose? Is that the price I pay for getting healed? Losing my memories? I don't get this. Why can't I remember, no matter how much I try outside of the pictures Zelda took and seeing very specific locations I just get nothing. If I can never remember my life before I was a knight, can't I at least remember them? Daruk, Mipha, Revali and Urbosa. Or... because I was always following Zelda did I really make any memories with them? No, I must have, because I remember talking with Daruk about the princesses, so Zelda and I weren't always together, I wasn't always following her! So I must have more memories... somewhere.

Is it bad, I'm so obsessed over this? The past happened, knowing more of it won't make a difference in the present, but... maybe it could give me some relief. Something in me is missing, and the only thing have to prove it, is it's lack of being there, I'm not even sure what it is, but I...

They're dead. It's horrible that I, the only person who can remember them, has forgotten them. I should at least have the decency to not turn a blind eye to them and acknowledge their deaths! They had to go through that while I survived, and it's not fair to them for me to just live on forgetting them!

Sidon and his people can only remember Mipha, but not the others, and Revali is practically just a legend to the rito, so...

I feel like if they could see me now, they'd be laughing, but at exactly what... I don't know. It's just this feeling I've got.

If I fall, get gravely injured and placed in the Revitalizing chamber again, will I forget everything again, and only have this journal to go by? Or by retracing my steps here I'll regain my memories of this time.

But

What if I was forced to only remember these scenes and nothing else. Someone didn't want me to remember my life before serving Zelda... and it was Zelda who had me placed in the thing.

Something along the lines of when I thought I might be a copy of the hero. But instead of being made, some things were just taken away completely.

But even if I do get to talk to her, will she even listen to me? She only knows me as a tool, but Kass said she loved me, so would she listen to me?

If I meet her again, she has a lot to answer for.

But do I even want those answers, maybe I'd be better off left reeling in this pain than from an even worse truth, if it exists.

I just don't get it, there has to be a reason my memories are as fickle as they are, right?

Maybe

Maybe I never lived till meeting the champions. According to Mipha, and Revali's journals I was supposedly skilled as a child, maybe it's something like what I thought with Sidon at the tree, then I theorized that I was made to be a tool. Maybe I never lived till meeting them because all I did was train...

But if that's what case, why can't I remember meeting Daruk? That wasn't training, but maybe at the time it seemed like a mundane event so I didn't remember it. I guess that would be why I don't think about fighting, because it was so ingrained into my very personage that no Revitalizing Chamber could take way what I had learned of fighting.

So even meeting them, everything before that was nothing, so maybe the me of back then had memory loss too, he couldn't remember a good chunk of his life too. His memories only began forming when he barely started making connections with them. His only memories were of them, he had nothing else to remember.

Yet I remember so little.

It's not fair to Revali, he doesn't even have a descendant, just me. Me who can hardly remember a thing about him.

Maybe that irony, me the person he... wanted to prove himself too, or prove he was better than, is the only one who can keep him alive through memory, as shoddy as mine is, that must be why he's laughing at me right now. I simply can't think of any other reason as to why.

Even so these are just thoughts and there's nothing I can do.

As sad as the thought is... I kind of like it. It's comforting.

I wish I could ask Sidon what he thinks of all this right now.