So I don't forget again

Entry 189:

I hate this. I just

I can't stop thinking about it.

I feel exhausted.

Bossa Nova has been trying to distract or comfort me, but I

It hurts.

I was not prepared to see that place, and it's just

I killed Friend.

I killed her.

I wasn't strong enough or smart enough, I was not good enough.

I've been trying to be better, but am I?

Am I just going to fuck up again, like I always do?

I'm just waiting till I screw up and get Bossa Nova killed. It's a miracle I haven't already with all that I've put him through! He'll probably get burned in the lava or something.

Then after him everyone else will die. First the Champions, then Friend, it's just a matter of time till I get everyone else killed.

How can Sidon see me as so great? I don't get it. The only time I get anything right is when I'm relying on someone else. I can't do anything on my own. All I do is get people killed. Even re-reading his entries when I was asleep, I understand them, and what he's saying, so why do they have to hurt so much now?

Before I was helping people because I wanted too, but now I

I see how pathetic and weak I am.

So this is the hero who's supposed to save the world? A person who killed his friend. A person who can't even face her. Give her the decency to see her pain and instead tries ignoring it.

I hurt her so I should at least

I don't know.