Blade

Chapter 8 - Helpless

This chapter is a bit disturbing but I hope you're all aware of the trigger warnings.

B L A D E

She claws desperately at his hand - for him to let her go - but he tightens his hold on her throat.

I reach for the pill bottle in the drawer of my bedside table. With trembling hands, I pull open the bottle cap and watch in agony as the white uncoated pill drops to my palm.

The smile on his lips was pure evil that even the familiar coal black eyes I used to love was soulless and devoid of any emotion.

I toss the pill into my mouth and stare deep into the darkness of my room as it forces it way down my throat.

He pulls out a knife from the waistband of his shorts and traces her cheek with the sharp pointy tip, drawing out specks of blood.

My heart rate spikes up, the blood flowing through my veins suddenly feels like icy prickles, stabbing and puncturing at my chest in a way to rip out my bruised heart and strangle my constricted lungs. The pain that comes along with it feels more like a relief than the consistent throbbing aches that I'm forced to live with.

The knife slowly drives into her chest, blood gushes out as if a dam has just been broken. Even though it was hurting her, she didn't stop him and he didn't stop either. The pain that sliced through me when her almost lifeless eyes stared back at me with love swimming in those orbs crumpled my soul as her bloody heart landed directly at my feet.

I sit at the foot of my bed and tighten my hold on the bottle of beer in my trembling hands. Sweat drips down from my body that my hair sticks to my forehead. Evey muscle in my body stings from not getting enough sleep.

Why would I, huh? Those awful memories comes haunting me in my dreams, depriving me of the sleep I desperately need. Nights like this, my eyes are always wide open; not because of fear. I don't want to relive those memories when she dies in my presence and I was so damn helpless. I couldn't do anything to stop him. Sometimes I think he's coming to do the same thing to me but I know that's impossible. I made sure of it.

Pulling the cap of the bottle open, I take a sip of the beer and blow out a breath as the burning liquid slides down my throat and makes my stomach churn with unease; but as usual, I ignore it.

My heart's bleeding and screaming inside my chest that I feel my ribcage crack with every echo of anguish that it makes. Every move I make hurts. Every word I say hurts. The things I hear hurts. The world around me is spinning that everywhere I look is nothing but a blur. It hurts like hell.

I take another sip of the beer and squeeze my eyelids shut when the liquid feels like hot coals burning and piercing my insides.

Would life have been the same if she was still alive?

Would I have known what pain felt like and if there was such a thing called darkness?

I can't even come up with a suitable answer for those two questions that feels like a burden every time my mind reflects on them.

My lips tips up into a sardonic smile as I take a swig of the beer.

I'm not even myself anymore. I've lost that part of me since I was eight years old but the funniest and the most scariest thing is that, I don't want that part of me to come back. It's locked in the most treacherous part of my mind just like my heart and the key is no where to be found. It's better it stays that way.

My bedroom door creaks open but I don't look up to find out who it is. The light that's shining in the hallway reflects into my pitch black room making my eyes to sting that I curse under my breath.

Before I can take another sip of my beer, the bottle is snatched away from my grip and that's when I look up to find Franco glaring at me. Soon, the pain is replaced with anger.

"Give that back to me, Franco." I snap. My heart hammers aggressively against my ribcage that I feel my breath coming out in short gasps. "I need it."

"You're not getting this back." He says in a firm tone, tightening his grip on the bottle as I rise up from the bed.

"Give. That. Back. To. Me. Franco." I speak through gritted teeth. The warning and dangerous edge to my tone was very evident that Franco gulped. "You don't want to find out what happens when you disobey an order."

The fear in his eyes brings a smirk to my face but he doesn't back down and neither do I. The grip the pain has on my lungs keeps getting more and more unbearable that I feel my hand twitch.

"You've got to stop this, Blade. This isn't healthy. Drowning yourself in alcohol and those fucking pills won't bring her back." He yells.

Wrong choice of words, Franco.

I grab Franco by the throat, the force makes the bottle to slip out of his hands and shatter on the floor.

"Don't you fucking mention her to me, Franco." I roar in his face. "Do you know how hard it is for me to live with that god damn fact? Do you know how much pain I have to endure without her in my life?"

He pushes at my chest but I don't move and inch. "And do you think this is the way to go about it?"

My hands curls around his throat that he chokes on his spit. "Shut the fuck up, Franco. Shut the freaking fuck up."

I didn't register the footsteps that approached me until hands forcefully dragged me away from a red-faced Franco.

"What the hell, Blade?" Nico yells.

I keep my gaze on the floor and try to steady my breathing but it's hard when the world is spinning in a fast pace and the voices around me drown until they're nothing but a silent whisper.

My heart feels like it's about to burst out of my chest at any moment.

"Blade, are you -"

I rush over to my bathroom when I feel the bile rise up in my throat. Going on my knees, I clutch the toilet seat and throw up every thing that I may or may not have consumed during the long hours of the night.

Once that's over, I brush my teeth and step out of the bathroom.

"You don't have to go through this alone, man. We're here for you and always will be." Franco says with a smile that made me feel guilty.

I'm not one to apologize but the look on my face speaks for itself.

"It's all good, man." He replies and gives me a pat on the shoulder.

~•~

Thoughts?

Blade is a broken man. It really killed me to write this chapter but everyone have their struggles.

Question of the chapter; Have you ever lost a loved one?

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Xoxo, Jana.

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I love you all❤