Blade

Chapter 52 - Mine. Yours.

B L A D E

I wanted to tell her.

I wanted to tell her so bad.

The words were just at the tip of my tongue, waiting for me to push them out but I didn't and she stormed out of my room in anger.

I'm so fucked up.

Everything about me is fucked up.

Whether you like it or not, I care.

She cares.

Can't believe she fucking cares.

Yeah, Nico, Franco, Camilla and Matilde care but never someone outside of that little circle. It feels different. The words alone made me to finally breathe again.

How can she care about someone that's so fucked up and broken?

My initial thought was that she's blind and her emotions were deceiving her but now I know it's far from that. The look in her eyes every time she stares at me makes my heart to freaking stutter.

She cares.

She fucking cares.

Why do I like the sound of that so much?

I regret all the harsh words I said to her even though I couldn't really control myself.

How could I be so stupid and heartless??

That's how a devil is. I can tell by the way she acts around me that she doesn't see me as the devil at all. I don't blame her. I'm a fucking pussy when it comes to her.

I couldn't say the damn words because I didn't want her to change the way she sees and views me. I don't want her to know how broken and pathetic I really am.

A fool that wouldn't stop thinking about some damn incident that happened years ago.

I can't help it.

I can't help the way my heart breaks and the way I feel shattered when the bloody images flashes in my mind.

I can't help the way I feel weak.

I can't help the way I feel fucking defeated.

I can't help the way I'm messed up.

I can't help the way I want to love others but don't know how to.

I want to get better, fuck, I really want to. But I can't because I keep going back to alcohol and pills.

I don't need help- that's what the fucked up part of myself keeps telling me.

I don't even know what normal feels like anymore.

"And you didn't tell her?" Franco questions, not seeming surprised at all when I blurted out what happened last night.

"I couldn't, Franco. Fuck. I just couldn't. My lips felt frozen." I drag a frustrated hand down my face and flip through the papers on my desk.

"Sooner or later, you've got to tell her. She cares about you and you care about her. It's just simple and plain." Nico tells me and I glare at him. Doesn't he think I don't know that already?

"Just shut up if you're gonna tell me shit." I grumble and he raises his hand in surrender.

"You really need to stop drinking and taking pills, Blade. It's not good for your health. There are other ways that you can -" Franco begins to suggests but I cut him off with a harsh glare.

"Don't you dare finish that goddamn sentence, Franco." I seethe, slamming my fists on the table that they get startled. I know exactly what he wants to say and I don't want to fucking hear it. They've all suggested it to me and I'm telling you, it's getting me pissed off.