Blade

Chapter 61 - One way ticket

S I E N N A

I clutch my chest to lessen the stinging pain that's rapidly consuming my body and stared at the man, who just broke my heart.

It's kind of ironic, right?

I never thought I was gonna use that term let alone, fall in love. For years, I've built an impenetrable wall around my heart not to give way to vulnerability and weakness.

I taught myself that loving someone is a one way ticket to getting your heart trampled and not rectified. It breaks you and yet, remolds you at the same time.

Some might say that I'm stupid to have let my guard down and allowed him to penetrate the barriers that surrounded my heart.

But I'm only human....

I didn't want to feel all this emotions that rushes through my bloodstreams every time I lock eyes with him. I didn't want to subject myself to susceptibility.

God knows I tried not to fall in love with him. Damn! Even the devil knows that too.

I can't control the decisions my heart makes. It has a mind of it own.

"I know that's not what you wanted to hear, Sienna, but I can't love you." He repeats, putting a lot more emphasis on his tone.

I stand up from the bed and walk towards him with tears forming in my eyes. "Why can't you love me, Blade? I need one good reason in order for me to accept that bullshit. As the saying goes, there's a reason for everything."

His face hardens and his jaw ticks. "Enough with the intrusive question, okay? I don't have to explain myself to you. Love is a boundary I don't want to cross. Besides, you shouldn't develop feelings for me when you're just gonna get hurt. I'm a very complicated man, Sienna."

The tears stream down my cheeks in waves, showing the sign of my pathetic weakness as I feel my lungs tighten. Blade's features softens but the coldness is very much evident in his eyes.

"I'm already hurt, Blade. There's nothing much to destroy since my heart is bruised and shattered. You can't tell me who to love and who not to love. There's nothing in this world that's going to change the way I feel about you." My voice trembles with every word that escapes my mouth. I reach up to caress his cheek but he recoils away from me.

"I'm fucked up, Sienna. I'm a broken mess. Everything about me is bound to destruction. I can't do anything right. Now tell me, how am I suppose to love you when I don't even know how to? How am I suppose to do so when I don't even love myself? How am I suppose to do so when I'm.... scared?" He tells me with so much emotion in his voice that I feel my ribs tighten.

"I don't know how to love either. I don't know if there are rules to follow when you're in love. I'm completely new to this just as you are. We are both broken in different ways yet, they are so similar. Together, we can teach one another how to love. The aspects there is to know about that word." I whisper, swallowing the heavy lump in my throat that's making it hard for me to breathe.

"My life's been ruined a long time ago, Sienna. I don't want yours to get ruined." He states, a distant and hollow look in his eyes as he clenches and unclenches his fist.

"I don't give a damn, Blade. I want you to ruin me. I need you to destroy me to the very last end." I trace the tattoo on his chest and press my hand over his beating heart. "Let me in."

He stares at me with conflicted emotion in his eyes and places his warm hand over mine, sending tingles up and down my spine. "It's not that easy, Sienna. I'm so confused at this point. There are two paths; one is broad and the other is narrow. I don't know which one to take. There's a lot of choices to make but none is an easy route."