Forces Beyond The Grave

9.7

"It was horrible. I mean I've never seen him like that and I had no idea what I was supposed to say. Or do. But I convinced him to look into rehab, so, I got somewhere I guess. Thanks." 

Lennox took the glass of water out of Jay's hand as he sighed. 

"Yeah, must've been a tough conversation to have. Can't imagine what he's going through right now."

It was the next day, and Lennox had rearranged to meet Jay after her classes were done, leaving Will to supervise her father and help him research the best rehab centre. After getting something to eat at the coffee shop on campus they'd gone back to Jay's apartment, the privacy allowing Lennox to talk to him about the conversation she'd had with her father the previous night.

"He was so upset Jay. He didn't care about anything except that he'd let me down. And he thinks I don't care, he said he was grateful that I couldn't feel anything." 

"You didn't think about telling him?" 

"How could I? It would've made things worse, and then I'd have to tell him how I started have feelings things again and what am I supposed to say? I found my mom's spirit was the one controlling my friend's body and being able to talk to her was a bit too stimulating? Even that sounds stupid." 

"Yeah, I guess it's not something you can just bring up in casual conversation. You are gonna tell him though, right?" 

"Eventually. I just don't know how. She's been gone over ten years now, it's not even a possibility for him anymore. But I gotta tell him just in case she decides to show up at the house looking for a fight, at the very least he needs to know what the hell is going on with the manor."

She put the glass down, sighing as she shrugged. "And I'm still trying to find out what I'm supposed to be in all of this. Because I don't feel like a legend. I don't feel like anything." 

"We'll figure it out Len." 

"How?" 

"I don't know. But you did it before. And I don't want to lose you for two more years, so whatever I can do to help just let me know." 

"No," She shook her head as she slid herself gently off of the kitchen island onto her feet. "I kept you out of it before, I have to keep you out of it this time too." 

"Look at you, being all caring and stuff." He cocked an eyebrow as he leant against the fridge, Lennox narrowing an eye at him as he let out a quiet laugh. "I'm kidding."

She kept her eyes on him for a few seconds before sighing. "You know the worst part? It was that while my dad was at his lowest, last night, I could feel something, but there was still a little part of me that thought he was pathetic. He could've died, and some evil part of me just wanted to tell him to get it together, stop crying." 

"Yeah but that's not your fault Lennox. You're still navigating everything, you're not used to having emotions yet." 

"But I used to be. Right? Before I had part of my brain destroyed. I used to feel everything. I couldn't imagine being so heartless back then, it was like everything was on full volume, and now...it's quiet." 

Jay watched as Lennox did her best to verbalise her thoughts. 

"I used to know how to do this. I used to love my friends, I knew how to show it too, even if it was hard sometimes. I used to feel every word I spoke and for the past two years it's like my words are just...shadows. I miss it. Don't get me wrong feelings are a pain in the ass but I miss it. I miss understanding people. You know my mom told me that my feelings were taken away to make sure I lived passed nineteen, that I didn't fall in love, but I didn't understand that until now."

At that Jay frowned, his posture straightening as she looked around his apartment and then made eyes contact with him. 

"I still had my feelings for three months after I went missing, but those headaches? I only ever got them when I was thinking about you."

Jay's gaze never left Lennox as he stepped closer to her. "What are you talking about?" 

"The headaches, when the veins would spread. Whenever I was with you, the feelings I had, it was all to stop me falling in love with you Jay. You know it was funny when she told me that; she said that by the time I'd disappeared, I already felt that way."

Her eyes took their time climbing back up to his as he stopped in front of her. "What are you doing?" 

He simply shook his head as his fingers gently brushed across her cheek, resting on the base of her neck to tilt her head up towards him. "Stop talking."