Often ~ a Kian Lawley Fanfiction

Epilogue part 1

I sat on the couch playing with baby Hunter, while Tiffany decided to take a nap.

Having a baby around the house has really livened things up in the best way. I mean sure, being woken up by screams and cries at 3am is not great. But I could never imagine life without him now that he's here. Also I get to be the aunt, so I have no where near as much responsibility as Tiffany does.

I carefully balanced him on my lap, laughing as a small trickle of drool fell from his mouth from chewing on his toy. The best thing about Hunter was his sense of humor, whenever I would laugh, he would start to laugh too.

A knock on the door startled me, causing me to jump slightly. I wearily got up, placing Hunter in his crib, and approached the door.

I assumed it was Beth, she has been visiting a lot lately. She has absolutely fallen in love with Hunter.

I pulled the door open and was nearly knocked off my feet at the sight of Kian. I felt all the breath get knocked out of my chest.

"Ki-Kian?" I stumbled over my own words. I haven't seen him for months. After the baby was born, he tried to contact me a few times but I just ignored it. I had come to a realization that it hurt me more to be with him, than to be without. When I found out he had betrayed me like that, I gained so serious trust issues. Every little conversation I had, I was always on edge and alert, searching for signs that it was all a lie.

People like Kian fuck you up. But it's not really their fault, because deep down inside they are severely fucked up. And you being fucked up by them is just a side affect of their major fuckwittage.

Sure, id considered getting back together with him... but everytime I saw his face I just felt sick to my stomach as all the lies came rushing back to my mind.

"Hey..." He hesitantly replied, staring down at his shoes.

He looked different. Maybe it was just because I hadn't seen him in a while but there were some definite changes I couldn't quite place.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned, making it well known that I wasn't thrilled to see him.

"I just came to check up on you... and the baby." He said, offering a weak smile to me.

"Why are you pretending you actually care? Don't you have some other girl to screw over or something?" I barked harshly. He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, giving me a guilty look.

"Okay, how long are you gonna keep up this act? Pretending that you hate me. Sam, we both know it's not true. Maybe if you'd just look past your anger for a second you'd see that we actually made a good couple." He blurted out. I stared at him in disbelief.

"What the hell made you think you had the right to show up here today?" I hissed, trying to shut the door. He quickly stopped the door from shutting by placing his hand on it.

"Give me another chance... Please Sam. I know I fucked up, really badly. But you know we are meant to be together. We are endgame." He said, making my heart pound harder against my chest.

I never thought I would fall back to him. I'd told myself endlessly that I wouldn't ever speak to him again. Yet here I was, considering what things would be like if we tried again.

He hurt me... and it was bad. But I can't help but think about the time we spent together. That couldn't have all been lies. Could it? The things we said, the things we did. It wasn't all just because of some dare.

A part of me knew that. However, another part of me was still repulsed by him. It was as if I was being drawn to him, but pulled away at the same time. And when two forces pull on you like that, one way verses the other, you end up with a whole lot of middle. That's how I felt towards him now, like I was stuck in the middle. Unable to move forward, but unable to forget. Like my feel were glued to the ground I stood. Was it time to let go? Or was it time to let him go?

"I don't know..." I mumbled, avoiding his prying eyes. "I'm not sure."

"It's not a hard decision Sam! Do you want to be with me or not. Because I've made up my mind. Now it's your turn. You can't stay mad at me forever." He said.

"Okay...." I muttered hesitantly. "I'm willing to give it another try. But if fuck this up one more time, there's no more chances."

I watched as a look of relief spread across his face.

"Your not going to regret this." He said gleefully pulling me in for a hug.

I couldn't bring myself to fully enjoy his touch. I couldn't get over the gnawing feeling in my stomach, kind of like butterflies. I knew a part of me would always feel this way. But maybe that's how all relationships are. Maybe I'm supposed to feel this way. Perhaps this is what reminds of that fact that we need to live life to the fullest. No time for looking back or regrets. That constant gnawing feeling is what pushing us forwards.

To be continued...

Xx