This probably was so throwback-ish of us, but me and Suki were sitting on the roof chopping it up. I feel like old school communication was the best. Plus I learn more about her each day. "So...I'm not trying to pressure you at all, but when are you gonna introduce me to your son?" I asked her and she smiled and looked at me. "You ready for that?" she asked me. "Of course. I mean he's a part of you and I'm trying to be in your life. That means he'd play a major factor in mine as well. But I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you into it. Whenever you're ready to do so, I'm with it." I told her and she nodded at that. "I'll keep that in mind. I just wasn't sure if you were ready on a mental level. Like I understand what you're saying but I wasn't sure if you were ready because of the loss of your own child. I didn't want to bombard you with those emotions if you weren't ready is all." I'm not gonna lie hearing the words did something to me, but I mean this was the realization of it all. I did in fact lose my child, but maybe this was my second chance at fatherhood for right now. "I get what you mean, but at the same time, I have to rip the band-aid off at some point. I won't know what I can take until I actually try." I told her. "Be honest with me though Jay..." she said and I turned and looked her in eye. "...Do you really feel within yourself that you're ready to close that chapter of your life? Like your child will always be a part of you, I don't mean that. But like that portion of your life, you ready to move on from?" "What you mean?" I asked her because realistically I thought I did. "I guess the real question is are you really over that connection with your ex?" Mannnn...this is probably the first time that I really have to lie to her. "Listen...Dom will always be the mother of my first child and I can't not love her for carrying my child, but that chapter just was what it was. We here now." I said grabbing her hand. "Just asking because sometimes it's hard to be around when she is too. Don't get me wrong, being around y'all separately is fine. Like when I do her nails, we're just two females vibing and laughing. When I'm with you, you treat me like I'm the only girl in the world. But when y'all are in the same room, it's like you're constantly glancing at her and it's this look in your eyes." That was almost hard to listen to and it's not only because she's calling me on my shit, but more like because I hate putting her through that. And here I go...about to lie again. "That might be a subconscious thing out of guilt for how things went in the end. That is my past Bae, don't even sweat it. Like you said, I treat you like there's no other girl in the world, because for me there isn't. I fucks with you the long way and the only person who can get in between that is either me or you. I don't plan on fucking that up shorty. Your heart is safe with me. You just gotta trust me." I told her and she stared back at me for a moment. I watched as her hair blew in the wind and then I saw this lil twinkle in her eye. "As crazy as this may sound, I do trust you. As hard of a concept as that is for me. I just wanted to be sure, from you, that it was a done deal." And I really lied to her, but what other choice did I have? I wanted to be real with her but I wasn't trying to take that risk. "You sure?" I asked her and she looked confused. "I mean you're sure that you trust me?" "I mean I allowed you to enter my body unprotected, I don't know how much more trust I could show you." She had a point there, but I didn't think about it like that. "True, but I mean trusting that I'm not hitting anyone but you is different than trusting that I won't hurt you though." I said and when I looked over at her, I could sense a lil fear. "That love though, right? Giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to." That's one way to look at it. "You're right, it is that. But it's like...I know when done been through some shit in a short period of time and I hate that. Like I'm forever grateful for you and all that you've done, but I wish I wouldn't have came into the situation with so much baggage." I told her. "Shhhiiiittt...you? I have the worst baby daddy-issues and you've stuck by me through it. Not to mention my dysfunctional family and my past. It wasn't just you, trust me. I have a lot that I come with too. We just carry it differently. But I mean I appreciate you as well. And maybe I don't tell you that enough, but I do though." I watched as her hair blew around her face as we talked some more. This had to be some weird as reflection period where I felt so fucked up about everything that transpired. I did love Suki, but I can't lie I still love Dom too. Like in a perfect world I could have them both, but I knew that could never be. If I had to choose one or the other, I would choose Suki, but D had a hold on me for some reason. But it's the lies that drew lines between us, but it was only visible to me. Then I had to question if I was lying about this, was our whole relationship based on a lie? If that were the case, then it would be on me. "Jay..." my eyes darted to her. "Where were you just now?" she asked me. "I was just imagining what our child would look like." I said as we both laughed.
YOU ARE READING
The Unusual Suspects Book 2
General FictionThe story of 6 inner city young adults, all from different walks of life, from different areas, and conquering different hardships. Watch how school, family, drugs, lies, the streets, and love bring them together and rip them apart
