I had come to the realization that what I really needed was to have these conversations with a woman. I value what my boys had to say, don't get me wrong. But it was different when you have a woman's perspective on things. I didn't want to mention to it to my moms, so I only had one other clear cut option. So I had D meet me at The Sugar Factory. "Yo, what's good?" she said as she came over to the table and sat down. "Shit...what's been up with you?" I asked her as she glanced at the menu. "Just getting ready to hit the road for real. Was surprised to hear from you. You good?" "Not exactly. I just needed to talk to somebody other than the fellas for real. Plus you actually know me as a person so I'm just trying to figure out if I'm trippin or not." "More than likely you're not, you're not the type. But let me hear it." she said right after we ordered our drinks and shit. "So...have you talked to Toya lately?" I asked her and she shook her head. "I'm not shocked because of course she probably wouldn't want you to know the situation. But last week she came to me and was talking like 'she wants me to be sure that I experienced everything that I wanted to before tying myself down to her'." She looked so confused. "Why all of a sudden would that be questionable? You've never been the type to talk about something and not be about it. Have y'all been arguing or anything?" she asked me. "Naw honestly she's been busy creating for all of y'all for the tour and whatnot and I've had some of my shit to do, you know? Anyway I just don't know how I was supposed to take that." "Well maybe she had a conversation about the upcoming nuptials with one] of the guys. You know how niggas be when it comes to commitment." she said and she had a point there. "So I assured her that that wasn't even a thought in my mind. I told her unless that's what she was on, I'm good. She had this look in her eyes that let me know what was up." "Damn T, so basically she wants a hall pass?" she asked me and I nodded at that. "Okay...so what happened after that?" she asked me. "I explained to her that I respect it and whatnot but it is what it is. I kinda went my way and she went hers. She went into the house and I stayed at my parents' with AJ. Like I don't even know what to say or how to feel in all actuality." "Ouch...that had to hurt for real. I'm sorry. On one side, I'm like at least she expressed it prior to y'all walking down the aisle. But I guess it's really in how you feel about it. Do you still see a future with her?" Man...I don't think I was ready to think of it without her. "That's the thing, I never really thought I had much of one before her. Now it's like I don't know what they may look like. Like Toya my whole mufuckin heart D. But then it's like somehow with me you're feeling unfulfilled...I guess. Like what do I say to that?" "Well she didn't actually say she feels unfulfilled. Sometimes it's not about feeling like you're lacking, it could be just the thrill of something new. I mean have y'all gone stagnant?" "Maybe a little bit, but isn't that normal with having a baby? Things kinda take somewhat of a standstill until you get into a rhythm?" "I mean yeah, but you still have to find time to work at it. Like once you have a person and they're your person, you still have to pursue them like you did in the beginning. You don't want to introduce someone to a vibe that you can't maintain. I mean that works on both ends. Maybe she thought you were perhaps feeling the same way and she just put it out there. I mean she is a new mom, this could be like her post partum depression too. I'm not trying to make excuses for her, but more so to spread light on possibilities because sometimes we're so caught in our own emotions that we don't see theirs. Or we get so wrapped up in other things that we invertedly forget about them. Now in my eyes, I can't see you doing that because I know you're a passionate type of person, so I'm not saying that perspective is valid but it's plausible. But maybe you can take this time and do the suggested." she said to me. "What you mean like fuck on other females?" I asked her and she laughed a little. "Date, fuck, engage in conversation or whatever. I mean it should work both ways theoretically. I mean she may be your end game, but maybe you can sneak in some fun too. Or maybe the hall pass might turn into being y'all thing every so often. But the thing is, that's up to the both of you to decide, not anyone else. Because we've known each other since we were kids, I always want what's best for you and I want to see you smile. As your friend, I haven't seen you legit smile in a while aside from anything related to baby Anthony. Maybe you don't even realize that yourself. But same for her, I haven't seen her legit smiling except for when she's creating. So...maybe y'all can push the wedding back and take some 'me-time' or just take time to discover what not only is right to you but what feels right to you. Don't just go with it because you're used to the person, you really need to know that you both are choosing each other no matter what." Man...she really just said a legit ear-full. I know right now that I made the right decision in calling her because she didn't mind calling me on my shit nor sharing another perspective that may have put me at fault too. But maybe she was right, maybe I should seize the moment as well and see what else could be or what or who else I could do. I mean Toya is the one that opened it up to this, so I couldn't be wrong if I obliged. "And this is why you've always been my best friend, because when I need to hear some shit, you make sure I do." I told her. "You already know!"
YOU ARE READING
The Unusual Suspects Book 2
General FictionThe story of 6 inner city young adults, all from different walks of life, from different areas, and conquering different hardships. Watch how school, family, drugs, lies, the streets, and love bring them together and rip them apart
