I had been spending most of my days in the studio trying to calm and center myself and to be honest, just to escape everything. But today I woke up feeling differently. I was ready to address these demons and move forward one way or the other. So there I was at Twisted Soul staring my father in the eyes, ready for whatever at this point. "I really want to give you time to express yourself, Charles. So until you want me to say anything, I will give you the floor. If you wish to talk and I don't say anything, I'll do that as well. But I just want you to know that I'm here today for you, for whatever is best for you." "To be honest Pop, I'd rather you talk and I'll wait until you're finished." I said to him, this way I knew he wasn't scrambling to come up with answers based upon what I say to him. "Charles, growing up, I was always told that I wouldn't amount to shit. I heard that so many times that for several years I really believed it were true. It wasn't until I came to the realization that it was power in the tongue that I vowed to make something of myself. So once I had my mind on it, nothing could deter me. And it didn't. But with great reward comes new worry. Where we are from not very many people became wealthy without being up in age, so there was now a target on our backs. Your mother tried to warn me for years but I felt as if I knew everything and that it would all work out. I was so wrong and that's even hard to admit. I went down a path very similar to the one that you're on. I wasn't half as smart as you, but I knew how to push some things." He said as he cleared his throat and sat up. "So I did that and it almost got us killed. I didn't know any way to protect you once we were exposed overseas so we had to head here to America. I promised myself I'd never again allow us to get in that situation. I know I pushed you hard as a youngster to be better than me and maybe that caused real resentment. Your mother blamed me for everything once she realized you were in the life. And I'm here now holding accountability for where I went wrong. I should've been a better role model to you. But I look at you on the internet and see all that you've accomplished and I'm so proud of you. I know that has nothing to do with me, but...but I feel like you needed to hear it." He said as he took a sip from his glass and I took a deep breath. "That's where you're wrong. You do have a lot to do with it. You instilled a lot of right in me, but I made my own decisions. We were fine and then we just weren't. I can't wrap my head around how you just turn your back on your child." "I didn't. I just knew it wasn't much I could do, I saw the hold the streets had on you, so I let you go. I can't be a hypocrite and tell you what not to do when I did it too." "And you felt like that was the best thing to do?" "No." He said with tears in his eyes. "No it was my biggest regret. There was so many times I wanted to step back in but I knew you wouldn't have me. Not that I didn't understand your reasons. Charles there's nothing I can do to make up for what went wrong, but I'm trying to be here now. I can't push myself into your life, but I'm trying to open that door for real." "So just answer my one question." "Anything." He said. "Why does she hate me so much?" I asked him. He took a deep breath and straightened up." "She doesn't hate you. She hates the things you do, but not you as a person. Plus she blames me for all of it. I endure a lot when you come up in conversation and all of the arguments begin and end the same. It's all my fault." He said as I saw those tears actually fall from his eyes. "And she's right. Maybe the thrill of it wouldn't even entice you if I was strong enough to stay away. Maybe if you saw less of that as a child you wouldn't have looked in that direction. Maybe just maybe you would've gotten where you are with all legal money and not...I don't know Charles. I'm sorry I failed you. I'm just asking for a chance to make it right." I can't lie, I needed to hear everything he just said and I can admit I never thought any of this. Perception. "I guess the one thing we fail to realize as a people is that even though we're growing up, our parents are too. I know there's no manual for how to be the perfect parent, or that that even exists to be honest. Like I'm glad we got to have this conversation, but I wish we could've had it way sooner. I've gone on for years having a mental funeral for you and mom because I felt like it was so much of a lost cause and now...I don't even know." "And you should've never had to experience those emotions, I failed you on that part. I make no excuses for my actions, I could only tell you my reasons. In all actuality, they're piss poor reasons in retrospect. I don't want you to go through life feeling as if I was absent during your struggle and now trying to be present for your success, because that could NEVER be the case. I just want us to have some type of relationship. Even if that father-son ship sailed...maybe we can work on being friends." That was the realest thing I never expected to hear from him. "I am open to that." I told him and for the first time since we sat at this table, we both smiled.
YOU ARE READING
The Unusual Suspects Book 2
General FictionThe story of 6 inner city young adults, all from different walks of life, from different areas, and conquering different hardships. Watch how school, family, drugs, lies, the streets, and love bring them together and rip them apart
