The Unusual Suspects Book 2

Tony

"He reminds me of you as a baby. That's a beautiful thing son. But now that he's here, understand your whole life has changed as soon as you heard his cry. From this moment forward, your life will revolve around his. Your I's are now replaced with he's. Not that I think you're incapable of understanding this or anything, but most parents fail to let their children know this at all. I feel like it needs to be told. If I could do everything all over again, I would've probably left the service sooner, just to be able to be more present for you guys. I don't regret doing what was needed at the time to take care of yall. But every moment that I was out there in a pond, in a bush, laying in a tent, or on a cot was completely worth the peace of mind I had knowing you guys were taken care of. But there were other ways to go about it in the end. Such as being in the Reserves instead or finding a job opportunity in my field as well after I gained that degree while in there. I apologize about that, because I know I missed some things with you. I also apologize for the last few years, but you have to understand I was in my head for quite some time and couldn't get out of it. I've seen some things and done some things that still haunt me to this day. See son, the life you're leading is much like what I encountered out there in the battlefield. Only difference is I was defending a country and you are defending your crew for the most part. I can't knock you Tony, because it's in you. But I can suggest to you to be better. I love you and I believe in you far more than you could possibly ever believe in yourself even. When you were a baby, I remember holding you in my arms and praying over you every chance that I got. I prayed for protection for you, so I never worry. Having praying parents is a beautiful thing for real. When we dedicated you as a child, it was so that God would never take His hands off of you. Now they say God only looks after children and fools and you're neither. But I'd like to think those prayers that I, and your mother prayed are still keeping you til this day.  Of course combined with your own prayers and those of Toya's as well. You're blessed T and so is Jr. Always remember that." Those words leaving from my Dad's lips were exactly what I never knew I needed to hear. I'm no emotional dude by any stretch of the imagination, but those words brought tears to both of our eyes. Granted, they never fell but we understood each other. For the first time in a long time, me and my dad shared an embrace that was necessary. What my dad just did was still providing me with something he didn't have himself. He didn't get this talk, but he's giving it. He didn't know what to do when he was my age, but he did what he had to do. He didn't knock me for hustling although he didn't approve. He still covered me in prayer, even at the times I felt no worry. If you didn't experience having good parents, you could never understand how much I valued this moment.                              "Thanks Papi. It's easy for us to forget how much we needs these talks because once we're grown we think we have it all figured out. I'll be real, I don't have it figured out at all, but I'm working on it." I said as we pulled apart.
"That's life. Parenting doesn't come with instructions, you learn from trial and error. Life, unlike school, gives you the test and then the lesson. This is why we always told you, you be in a hurry to finish school, you need to treasure that time, because at least you're getting the lessons first. It's real from here. In less than a week you'll be graduating high school. In less than 6 months, you'll be starting college. In less than 18 months, you'll be getting married. Anthony those are all admirable things, just prepare yourself for each one. Understand, as long as there is breath in my body, I'm here for you. I promise you that, they say you're a parent until your child is 18, and in actuality, you're a parent their and your whole life. I got you." We shook hands in that instant and everything became much more clear to me. I did move like I had nobody else, but realistically I've always had my parents. Maybe my subconscious had this figured out, because I would experience feelings of guilt for the things I have done. I've thought about leaving the game more times than I could count. Realistically I gained a position, but was this like selling my soul to the devil? I think about Toya and our son and that really is the main reason I don't leave the game, but realistically maybe they should be my incentive to leave. I really think once I'm finished with college, I have no more excuses, I need to handle raising our child, take care of the wedding, and start a college fund. These were my reasons for staying in, but were they feasible? It's all risky, but it's even more risky to bring your child up in a world where he may have needs being unfulfilled. I get that Toya is sitting on money and would if she never lifted a finger in life. But it kind of emasculated me to think that she was perhaps the better provider. I had to snap out of my thought process and focus on the current situation. I need to make it back up to the hospital, time is of the essence at the moment. And here I am trying to make every single moment count at this point. My son was gonna know his dad has been there and will always be. Same for my woman, she has someone to lean on and depends on. That's all me right there.