River.

Chapter 25: A Whole New River

As my head laid against his chest with his arms wrapped around me I couldn't help but think if this was real or still just lust. We laid in darkness...and in silence. He ran his hand through my hair, curling it around his finger. Playing with it as if it was truly interesting.

"What's your middle name?" I randomly asked him.

"Jonah." He replied.

"River Jonah..." I said. "River Jonah Carson...I seriously love your entire name. Can I call you Jonah?"

He ran his fingers through my hair again. "How about you just stick to calling me River."

I giggled and we laid in silence again for a while. Suddenly a clash of thunder struck. I jumped ridiculously hard and hid my face in his chest.

He laughed a bit but held me tighter against him. "Don't worry. I promise nothing's gonna get you while I'm here."

I quietly sighed. It was both a sigh of relief as well as a sigh of unsureness.

"Cassidy." He began. "What did my brother do to you?"

Confusion hit me as I wondered how he knew Legend had done something.

"Um...nothing." I unconvincingly replied.

"Don't lie to me." He stated as he raised my chin up so that I was looking into his eyes. I swear his eyes looked like they were glowing even in the darkness.

I was thinking about lying to him and saying "nothing" again but I couldn't. So I told him the truth.

"He cheated on me." I quietly said as I tried fighting a tear but it fell anyway.

He wiped the tear from my face and kissed my forehead.

"Sweetheart don't let that get to you. That's his loss. He was obviously too blind to see that what he had was a once in a lifetime thing. Once he sees that he's lost you he's gonna regret what he did. He doesn't deserve you. I don't even deserve you. Hell I'm still trying to figure out how you managed to fall in love with a guy like me."

"What do you mean? I'm 100% sure you've had loooots of girls fall in love with you."

"Yeah but you're different. You're perfect to me. You're like a princess. Princesses don't fall in love with troubled heathens."

His words hit me like a tornado. I just had to get this off my mind.

"River- are you a bad guy?" I asked not knowing what to expect.

I felt him tense up a bit which honestly made me even more nervous.

"I'm often painted as the bad guy and, truth be told, I'm usually the one giving out the brush." He stated.

I won't lie- I was completely and utterly confused by what he said. I think he could tell that I was confused because of my silence so he expanded on his statement.

"What I meant by that was yes... I am a bad guy...only because I allow myself to be. But, I haven't always been that way."

Now I was extremely curious.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I hope you don't think of me any less after I tell you." He said.

"Tell me."

He hesitated for a while but eventually answered.

"I got married when I was 18 to a girl that I'd been dating since I was 14. I was head over heels in love with that girl and would've done absolutely anything for her. In highschool, one of the things we'd always talk about was having kids after we both got out of college. Having kids was something that I'd always dreamed of. And she was the only person that I wanted to go down that road with. We ended up getting married while still in college and had a kid a year later. A baby girl- her name was Arabella. When she was born I felt like the happiest man alive. I promised myself that I would love that little girl more than anything and that I would always do everything in my power to make sure that she was safe and happy. And she was. As I watched her grow up I became more and more amazed. I'd never seen such a happy and adventurous kid. I remember when she used to always run in our room and jump on our bed at 6 in the morning every single day to wake us up. And every time I'd wake up I'd immediately start smiling and thanking God for allowing me to have such a beautiful, sweet, and amazing daughter. She was truly a ray of sunshine. After her 4th birthday party, her and her mother were leaving the building that she'd had her party at and were heading home. I had already left about 30 minutes earlier to try to beat the late night traffic. Then I got a call from my wife... and judging by the way she was talking I could tell she was scared. She kept saying that someone was following her. It got to the point that she was terrified so I tried to convince her to stop at a gas station so that I could come pick her and Arabella up. Suddenly I heard Arabella start screaming for me. She yelled "Daddy" three times... Then I heard a loud crash. And the phone disconnected. I started panicking, wondering what had happened. I kept calling my wife but she didn't answer. Finally she called back three minutes later, absolutely hysterical, telling me that they'd just gotten in a wreck and that she'd already called for an ambulance. I asked her where they were and she told me so I grabbed my keys and rushed to them. I somehow managed to reach them before the paramedics did and when I saw the crash site my heart stopped. The car was completely totaled, it had flipped off the road. My wife was on her knees, literally in shock, looking down at something lying in the grass a few feet away with her hands over her mouth. I ran to her then when I saw what she was looking at I couldn't believe it. It was Arabella, laying in the grass, with gashes and scratches all over her face and body, barely breathing. There was blood everywhere. I dropped down to the ground and held her in my arms. She kept staring at me, as one small tear streamed down her cheek. I kept telling her that everything was gonna be okay. I kept telling her that I wasn't gonna let anything happen to her. But she died before the ambulance got there. She died on her 4th birthday. My babygirl, who I promised to always protect and keep safe, died that night in my arms. A month after her death my wife filed for a divorce. I didn't want a divorce but she didn't care what I wanted. She never even told me why she wanted a divorce. She committed suicide before we even got the divorce finalized. Afterwards, I didn't care about anything anymore. My life felt pointless because I'd lost the only people that meant the world to me, my wife and my daughter. My life was over. I became unbelievably depressed and the only way I could deal with that depression was by becoming a monster. So I started drinking alcohol non-stop and had to go to rehab. Though I've been sober now for two years. I slept with at least 10 different girls a week. I dated about 3 different girls at the same time for months and then left them because I wasn't ready for commitment again. I broke their hearts but I honestly didnt care. I didn't have anyone to care about anymore so I started caring about myself only. And even now, five years later, I still wake up at 6 in the morning everyday expecting to see my little ray of sunshine smiling down at me."

I was in tears. I felt bad for thinking of him as a horrible person. It all made sense now. The death of his wife and daughter changed his life completely.

"So you're like this because you lost you everything...I'm so sorry River." I apologized sympathetically. "And you date around because you're not ready for commitment again? What about your girlfriend now? The one that comes to the university all the time. Is she your only girlfriend or no?"

"Well- yeah she's the only person I'm dating right now but I'm gonna end it."

"Why's that?" I asked not quite sure what he meant. "Is it the commitment thing again?"

"Exactly. I'm not ready for commitment- unless it's with you." He said.

He held me a little tighter as he said that and I could feel my face start to blush.

"How can I trust you?" I bluntly asked him.

"I don't expect you to. Not yet at least." He replied as he reached down to grab something out of his pants that were still laying on the floor. "But I got you something else besides the necklace."

He opened a box and inside of it was a beautiful ring.

When I thought of what it was, I gasped.

"Relax." He smiled. "I promise I'm not proposing...yet."

He grabbed my hand and placed the ring on my finger.

"Cassidy, I know these past few months haven't been the best between us and I know you think I'm a player- which I am- but if you give me a chance I promise I'll give you the world. I'm willing to change who I am to be with you. My one and only focus will be on you. This ring that I'm giving you is a promise ring. I'm not asking you to make a decision now but I do want one thing- promise me, that one day, I can make you mine..."

I turned my head up to face him and kissed him.

"River Jonah Carson- " I began. "I promise...with all of my heart."