River.

Chapter 104: Tired.

River's P.O.V.

There was no point.

No point in trying.

I left the house and walked around the neighborhood until I came across a small community park.

I sat down on a nearby bench to try to clear my mind and think straight.

It was well past 2 am so I was the only one out which was a good thing because all I wanted was to be left alone.

But then again that was also a bad thing because leaving me alone with my thoughts can be very dangerous.

I closed my eyes and rested my head in my hands.

There was just so much going on.
It seemed like bad things just never ceased to come my way.

And now I was a mess because of it.

For a while I lost my sense of rationality....

And I pulled out my gun from the inside of my jacket.

I stared down at it, thinking about- well everything.

I heard footsteps walking up behind me but I didn't bother to turn around and see who it was.

The person sighed then walked around the bench and sat down next to me.

"What are you doing River?"

It was Max.

"Just thinking." I said lowly.

"With a gun in your hand?"

I nodded my head.

"Did you follow me?"

"No." He replied. "Cass called me freaking out and said that you'd left. I figured you weren't gonna go to far from the house and something told me to check here."

"Well... You found me."

"Mhm. So tell me, what got you at here at almost 3 in the morning with a gun in your hand?"

"My thoughts." I simply stated.

"Such as?"

"Ending everything."

Max sighed in disappointment. I was disappointed in myself as well.

"Why would you do that?"

"If I'm dead, Mark will stop. He'll leave Cassidy alone. He wont chase after you anymore."

"How would you know that?"

"Because he only wants one of us dead."

"Well its not gonna be either of us. We're not gonna give in to Mark."

"This isn't just about giving in to Mark."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"Because I'm tired Maxwell."

He looked at me with a glare of sympathy.

"I dont know if I can take anymore of this."

"You've gotta hold on." He stated.

"I've been holding on for nearly 20 years. Things have only gotten worse."

"So you're gonna give up just because you dont wanna deal with your problems anymore?"

"You dont understand how hard it is. My 'problems' are getting the best of me. I wake up in pain every single day because of all the head injuries and gun/knife wounds I've gotten over the years. I hardly ever sleep because I physically can't. And when I do I have nightmares of me holding the body of my dead daughter. I freak out when I see fire because of Blairwood. I have panic attacks every other day because I can't seem to control my emotions. I have mental breakdowns at least 3 times a week. My mind doesn't function properly. I'm hardly ever able to think straight. I zone out and have flashbacks in the middle of teaching my students and I run out because I start having an anxiety attack. And my guilty conscience gets worse by the day. I'm overwhelmed."

"Yet you've managed to hang in there for all of this time. Jonah you're such a strong person. You've dealt with things that most people wouldn't have been able to. But you're still alive. You've gotten stronger and stronger over the years and have transformed into the strongest person I know. There's no way you're giving up now."

"Everyone has a breaking point Max. I've reached mine."

"And you can overcome it."

"No, I can't. The only way I'm gonna be able to get even the slightest bit of relief is to end it all. That'd make things so much easier."

"Easier on you. But what about everyone else? Cassidy? Your kids? Your parents? Your brother and sister? Your friends? Me?"

"Trust me, you all will be a lot better off without me. All I do is cause trouble. I'm tired of bad things happening because of me. I'm tired of always having a guilty conscious.... I'm tired of living."

"This isn't you."

"Yes it is. This has always been me. Its just that tonight has helped me to make my decision."

"You're not doing this."

"I am. I have to. I can't do this anymore."

I stared at my gun a bit longer then cocked it.

This was for the best.

Then Max reached into his jacket and pulled out his gun.... Cocking it as well.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"If you're gonna put a bullet through your brain then I'm gonna put one through mine."

"There's no reason for you to."

"I made a promise to you. I said that I wasnt gonna make the same mistake that I made with Reese. If I can't stop you from doing this then I'm gonna join you."

Max didn't deserve this. But I knew that I wouldn't be able to talk him out of it.

"Ready when you are..." He said.

I took one last look at him then I raised the gun to my head.

Was this a mistake? Probably.

But it was one I was willing to take.