River.

Chapter 26: Realization

I woke up feeling absolutely horrible. I sat up in bed and immediately felt even worse. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I was leaning over the toilet for at least five minutes before I finished.

Gross.

I assumed it was from the the shots of vodka I'd taken after River went to sleep. Don't judge me... I was stressed.

After brushing my teeth I went back into the room and saw that River wasn't laying in bed. In fact, he wasnt in the room at all.

Strange.

I went downstairs and into the kitchen where I saw a pretty scary sight to be honest.

River was sitting at the table with BOTH of my parents.

"Goodmorning gorgeous." He said as he smiled at me.

I walked up to him and gave him a "what are you doing dont call me gorgeous around my parents" look which I'm sure he understood.

"Oh, yeah...sorry." He apologized as I sat next to him.

I looked over at my dad who was sitting in the chair directly across from us and my mom who was sitting next to him. They both gave me a weird look.

I ignored them though and instead looked at River and smiled.

However, the happy moment didn't last.

Jordan and Daniel walked in from the back door.

"Why're you smiling at him like that?" Daniel asked me.

I looked at my dad hoping that he'd shut Danny up.

"Cassie I'm talking to you not dad." He stated.

"Does it matter?" I asked.

"Very much." He replied.

It was ridiculous how much he pissed me off.

"Because I can." I said as I turned my back towards him just to make him mad. Which worked by the way.

He glared at River with such an intimidating look it actually scared me a bit.

"That's nice." Xander stated out of no where.

"No its not nice at all." Said Daniel. "Do you have a thing for River? If so, why didn't you tell me?"

I couldn't help but laugh at that.

"Because I don't have to!" I yelled. "You're not my fucking dad Danny!"

"But I'm your fucking older brother Cassidy!" He snapped.

"So is Xander but you dont see him asking me about stuff like this all of the time! Oh wait- he doesnt have to ask me because I tell him before he actually does ask. You know why I tell him? Because he seems to care which can't be said about you."

The room got silent.

I could tell that my words had hurt him- but he deserved it.

"Geez, I know you hate me for never being here but that doesn't mean I don't want to be a part of your life. I just don't want you getting hurt by low life jerks. And I know I can be a bit too overprotective but it's only because I care. Cassie you're always gonna be my little sister no matter if you like it or not. And I'm always gonna love you like crazy until the day I die. Please don't ever think that I dont care about you. It hurts like hell to actually hear that come from your mouth. I'm sorry for not being here."

He took one last look at me then walked out of the house.

Was I a bit too harsh on him? Maybe so. But he needed to know what it felt like.

As Danny closed the door behind him my dad turned to face me.

"Cassidy you've gotta stop treating your brother like that h-"

"I dont care!" I cut him off. "Dad, he deserves it and you know that!"

"Doesnt matter if he deserves it or not." He shot back. "You do this every time you two get into an argument."

"Because its true and he needs to hear about himself!" I yelled. "He needs to know how fucked up he is for choosing his job over his family! He needs to know how messed up he is! I can literally count on one hand how many times we've seen him within the past 10 years!"

"Sweetheart he knows...and he regrets it. A lot." My dad responded.

"Whatever. If he knew then he'd do something about it." I mumbled.

"He was Cassidy. Last night Daniel came to your mother and I and told us that he feels like an asshole because you hate him. And that he wanted to make it up to you somehow. I promise you that he's trying to make things right between you two. You've just gotta give him a chance to redeem himself."

I thought about it for a second- but then I shook my head no.

"He already had his chance." I said as I stormed up to my room.

I jumped onto my bed and started screaming into my pillow. I hated Daniel so much.

Not too long after there was a knock on my door. But before I could tell whoever it was to go away the door opened and Xander walked in. He layed down next to me and I felt even more annoyed. He used to always come in my room and lay down next to me when he wanted to lecture me about my ignorance.

"Talk to me." He stated.

"There's nothing to talk about." I mumbled into my pillow.

"I know you're angry but you cant stay mad at him forever. You know he cares about you more than anything." He replied.

I groaned and dug my head further into my pillow.

"I'm sooo tired of hearing that! No he doesnt! If he cared he wouldnt be such an asshole." I yelled though the pillow muffled much of the yelling.

"Cassidy, sure he didnt come to your graduation nor did he come to say goodbye to you when you left for college...but guess what? If you were to call him and tell him that you needed something he'd do everything in his power to make sure that you got it. And if you ever called him because you were having boy trouble I guarantee you he'd be on a plane within 10 minues on his way to Minnesota to kick the guy's ass. Hell...so would I...but the point is, you can't hold a grudge against him forever. Because if something were to happen to him all of a sudden you'd feel horrible for not ever making amends with him. Just- talk to him will you?"

He was right. Even though I was mad at Danny I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to him and we never got to make amends. I nodded my head and got up from the bed. I made my way downstairs while thinking about what I was gonna say. I opened the front door and walked outside as I saw Daniel leaning against his truck- looking down at the ground with his hands in his pocket. He looked regretful. And guilty. And upset. And sad. And depressed... and defeated. When he saw me, and made eye contact with me, I lost it. I ran to him and buried my face into his chest. When I felt his arms wrap me into a hug it was like all the hatred washed away.

That's when I realized that I didn't hate him because he wasn't ever here. I wasn't even mad at him for not coming to say goodbye to me when I left for college.

No, I was upset because I missed him.

I missed my big brother.