River.

Chapter 103: Somewhere

Cassidy's P.O.V.

"So now you're not letting me tell Max that Mark's the reason why his bestfriend is dead!?" River asked.

We were upstairs in my room and we'd been arguing for a while. He was standing by my window as I was sitting on my bed, listening to him fuss and fuss.

"You cant tell him." I replied, trying to stay calm and not cause so much noise because it was already 2 am and my parents were in their room sleeping.

"He deserves to know Cassidy!"

"I know he does but now's not the time."

"And why not?!"

"Because you know how he's gonna react. You saw how he reacted after Reese died. He completely lost all sense of control. Its bad enough that I have to deal with controlling your anger. I dont need to control yours AND Max's."

"This isn't right and you know it." He said as he turned around and ran his hand through his hair.

"We'll tell him eventually. Just promise me that you wont tell him until I agree that its time for him to know."

"He needs to know now!"

"River... Please just promise me."

"I'm not promising you anything."

He was reeeally pissed.

I got up and walked up to him.

"River..." I said as I grabbed his arm.

He yanked his arm away from me then started walking away.

"Dont touch me."

I looked at him in disbelief.

Did he really just say that?

"Okay you need to just calm down and lose the pissy attitude. You're sitting here acting like a kid and mad only because I told you that I dont want you telling Max something that will make him snap!"

"You really think that's why I'm upset?" He asked as he approached me.

I instinctively took a step back, a bit out of fear to be honest.

"Yes that's exactly why!"

"No, I'm 'upset' because you dont understand what I'm having to deal with right now!"

"What you're having to deal with?! Xander was MY brother! MY brother is DEAD! Pretty sure this is harder on me than it is on you!"

"No, its not! You lost someone you loved, that happens to everyone! What DOESN'T happen to everyone is being responsible for someone's death! Yes you lost your brother and that's gonna be difficult to cope with but coping with a death is not NEARLY as hard as being the reason why an innocent person is dead! I have to live with that! You're not gonna be the one living with a guilty conscious for the rest of your life! I am!"

"Stop blaming yourself! You're not the one that slit his throat open!"

"You're right. One of Mark's men did. But ONLY because Mark is after ME. If you and I weren't a thing your brother would still be alive!" His voice was even louder now. I started to feel a bit uneasy.  "His fiancé wouldn't be going through this! And his unborn kid wouldn't have to grow up without its father! This is all on me!"

He took a step closer and once again I instinctively stepped back.

He looked at me in utter confusion.

"Why are you backing away from me?" He asked, his voice a bit calmer.

I couldn't bring myself to answer.

He slightly laughed then ran his hand threw his hair again.

"Great, you're still afraid of me."

"No I'm not." I insisted. "I'm not."

"Then why did you step back when I got closer?"

"Because...." I didnt know what to say.

"Because you thought I was gonna hit you.... Didnt you?"

I didnt answer.

"You know, over the past 24 hours I've been thinking about how big of a mistake I made proposing to you. You're afraid that I'm gonna hurt you and I'm terrified that someone else is."

"Dont say that River."

"But its true. All of it. I know that I'm starting to lose my mind again. I'm already not sane and now I'm even more insane than I was before. And with everything that's happening, its only getting worse."

"You're not insane..."

"Yes I am. I was diagnosed with insanity 14 years ago."

"You're not insane." I repeated. "Just a bit misunderstood."

"You call having the urge to kill people a 'misunderstanding'?"

"You only do it to get rid of bad people."

"But the thing is, I never feel bad after I do it. In fact I always feel relieved. If that isn't a psychopath then I dont know what is."

"I'm still not convinced."

"Thats because there are things that you dont know."

What do you mean." I asked.

He ignored me and kept staring at the ground as he leaned against the door.

"Answer me..." I demanded.

Still no response.

"Who is Cato to you?" I asked.

"My boss.... And my uncle."

"Cato's your uncle?"

He nodded his head yes. "My dad's brother."

"Why didnt you tell me?"

"Because it wasnt important."

"It kinda is. And what do you mean by your boss?"

"He's just my boss." He reiterated.

"But he doesn't work at the hospital or the university..."

"I dont just work at the hospital and university..."

"I'm so confused...." I admitted. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I'm not just a doctor and a professor."

"You work somewhere else to?"

He nodded his head again.

"Where?" I asked.

"Cant say."

"Why not? I wont tell anyone."

"I know you wont."

"Then tell me."

He shook his head no then opened the room door and walked out.

"Where are you going?" I called after him.

"Somewhere." He replied.