A/N - For @sincerely80s .
PS - I don't watch the show that's mentioned, but I've been wanting to. So sorry if I make assumptions about it!
Enjoy!
It was a regular weekend at yours and Bucky's apartment. The tv was kept on to keep noise around and the two of you spent the day cleaning, eating, hanging out, San enjoying whatever was on.
Today, you had decided to start watching the show The Americans. You had heard good things about it and luckily there was a marathon happening today. So you kept that on while going about your day, every once in a while stopping to really focus on watching it. And once Bucky was done with what he wanted to do, he decided to just sit and watch the show.
Bucky didn't know, though, that this show was about soviet spies. Once there was Russian being spoken, he began to grow uncomfortable. He was slightly squirming and shaking his head. He was quite ready to hear Russian yet, he was still scared of what it was to him.
After about a minute of this, he got up.
"I'm sorry, I'll be back," he muttered, and walked off to the bedroom you shared.
You grew worried, but knew you had to leave him alone. This had happened before, with other triggers for his HYDRA memories. So, you left him to cal, down by himself and just let him be.
----
Laying on the bed, Bucky continued to squirm at the memories that were resurfacing. All the torture, killing, and abuse that happened to him. He tried to remain as strong as he could, trying to fight off this side of him.
But the memories were like a flood, and they just couldn't be stopped.
Luckily, he wouldn't become the winter soldier because of this, so he couldn't hurt you, but it created a scared, helpless person.
----
After about an hour, Bucky emerged from the bedroom. You turned to see him, hoping he was doing better.
But you just grew more worried.
As he walked, he was hunched over and seemed paranoid. When he looked up to you, his eyes went wide and leaned back.
"Bucky? Are you okay?" You asked, taking a step closer to him.
He stepped back, scared.
"Please don't hurt me," he breathed.
"What? Bucky, you know I would never hurt you," you consoled, trying to bring him close to you, in hopes of comforting him. But he just jerked back even more.
"Please, just don't make me do any more damage. I can't,"
"Bucky?"
"Just get away!"
"Bucky, please. It's just me. I'm (Y/N)."
"You're here to hurt me! Just let me go!" He yelled, trying to let out his pain.
"Bucky!" You yelled back. "I'm not here to hurt you! Please, I could never hurt you." You voice slowly became quieter through the last sentence. "Look, you're name is James Buchanan Barnes, but everyone calls you Bucky. I'm your girlfriend, and we live together. You went through a torturous time, but you're safe now. Please, I love you so much and I could never hurt you."
Those words seemed to resonate with him, but he still didn't seem to have control. His anger was gone, but he was still in fear for his life. He was shaking his head again, trying to control the memories.
Soon he walked out of the room, the same way as the first time. You sadly watched him as he trudged toward the bedroom again.
You stared, now worried even more. His memories coming back had happened before, but never at such an extreme scale. So you decided to just wait again, and you would check on him in a little while.
----
Bucky paced the bedroom, trying to gain control over himself again. He built the wall in his mind up again, to hold back the these treacherous memories. It took a while to overcome them, but after he felt like himself again.
So he sat on the edge of the bed, trying to sort out what had happened.
A trigger, a flood, a relapse, a scare, and an alleviation.
God, did this have to happen? Bucky knew he had to gain more control over his memories, but this? Yelling at (Y/N) and completely freaking out internally?
----
He finally got himself to walk out and talk to you.
When you saw him, you stood up and just watched him. You didn't want to do anything that might make him think you would hurt him, so you just stayed still.
But he continued to walk toward you, focused. You were worried, because you couldn't help but go to the worst case scenario.
But soon he wrapped you in his arms. He tucked his head into the crook of your neck, finding solace.
You were still slightly freaked, so you didn't really move for the first few moments. But once you realized he was back, you mimicked his hug.
"I'm sorry," he whispered against your skin.
"It's okay, it was my fault for playing that tv show. I knew it had to do with soviet spies, so I should've thought about it more."
"No, it's not your fault. You don't know when it might be triggered. The only fault is HYDRA's."
You sighed, and nodded in agreement against him.
"You know I would never willingly do that,"
"I know. And I would never hurt you. I could never that."
He smiled, and kissed the closest exposed skin to him.
"I love you, more than you'll ever know. I don't know what I'd be with you." He whispered.
"I love you too, and I will never stop loving you as hard as I am in this moment."
He sighed, squeezing you closer.
With both of you finding solace with each other, you stayed as close as you could the rest of the day and night.
Bucky just needed the reminder that he had someone he loved and loved him, and would be there through anything.
A/N - Hope you liked it! Sorry it's kind of short, but I thought there was enough substance to give this justice!
More requests coming soon!
